W is very happy cos things shes wanted to happen for a long time a are happening, such as the trip and the renovation of the house. We've probably have bitten off more that we can chew but I think I m in a better position mentally to cope with any fall out from that.
If I look back to our M, in my opinion W's A happened cos she was unhappy as she felt we had stopped living and that I was holding her back, ie not providing the "environment" where we could prosper and do all of these things that we are doing now. Yep, my feeling is that the root cause of our problems was us not progressing as she had planned. Her renewed interest in the renovation of the house has not come out of boredom or wanting a fresh start, it is more about keeping up appearances with our peers, and bettering ourselves in their eyes. Sounds bad but I think it's true
On piecing are M back together W has an old fashioned view that if we are together it will work or it won't, that fact that she is still here is here way of saying she is still working on the M. She is dead against MC, books tapes videos, questionnaires retrov or any other outside interference. Even now she get annoyed when I'm on the computer but she won't openly say anything cos that means I,ll have to explain what I,m doing and that may lead to R talk which she goes out of her way to avoid. In fact she half knows what I'm doing and the network of people I talk to but she won't mention it. All I get from her is "You're on that computer again" but I know she really means "You can stop talking to people cos we are still together". But yes, it feels like I'm the one doing all of the work on the M but I've stopped moaning about that now.
Latest is W says she still loves me, still wants me in her life and in D6 life, still wants me in her bed etc, etc. I used to wonder how she could go from hating me to thinking I am the main man in her life, but if I start the sentence with "this moment in time" then I can understand that she loves me, 6 months ago, "at that moment in time" she hated me. All makes sense now
On sex I'm as confused as you are. After the initial burst of energy things have settled down to about once a week that is as long as I don't bother in between. ie I'm not allowed to ask for it, it will happen when she's in the mood. We've been here before and because it didn't happen more frequent ignore W on the in between times, and cos I had ignored her she would refuse any advances I would make and we'd drift apart. In the past when I've tried to talk to W about how often she would like sex the answers I got were "Not everyday or not all the time". W doesn't particularly talk to me about sex, away from the bedroom. Unlike her R with OM where the phone sex and dirty talk played a big part R, however beyond the sex there was nothing, cos once he failed to perform there was nothing for them to talk about and the A ended. Still doesn't make me feel any better about the A. Actually W sees me differently cos she enjoys the soft massages and my gentle touch which she always comments on, it just a pity that she had to outside the M for rough, dirty sex. Ah well best to move on from that.
W screaming or shouting at me is somting I have to work at overcoming, I've tried the "I won't reposnd to you unless you talk to me in a civil manner" but she takes it as a challenge to up the ante and things just escalate. But that's the way she is and that's how she talks to her brother and her father, I've fought against it since day one but that's what it becomes, one big fight. Seriously Sandi I'd love to have a serious talk with her but when it comes to any situation like that she clams up and it seems like I'm lecturing her rather than talking. W isn't good at sensible discussions, but she always wins hands down in a screaming match.
So if you ask my how I feel things are going I'd say ok but could be loads better, the times she shouts at me and the times with out sex remind me of the times she would purposely create disharmony in the house to ease her guilt so she could be with OM, but on the other hand we do have an intimate relationship and I know she could not do that if she was with OM.
So I have to keep doing my work to keep us on track, I just wish hers was more visible but overall we are moving in the right direction.
