So great to hear from you all! You have no idea how nice it was to sit down today and check the post, like old times.
Snodderly, boy do you remember the long haul I had to get here. Thank you so very much for your advice and guidance throughout my journey. I remember back in the day that going onto the computer and seeing posts, like yours, were really my lifeline to surivival. I remember it like it was yesterday although it seems like a lifetime ago at the same time.
Yes, things have changed. I went to son's bball game yesterday and saw XH there keeping score, etc. He was there with the on again/off again GF aka Rat-- I know awful but that is what I used to call her. She stands behind him, he ignores her. She was all dolled up, he didn't notice. She watched me the whole time, I pretend I don't see her. Her son comes up to me and says hi, I give him a high five and mention the tooth he lost. The kids cute and it's not his fault. All in a day of MTN.
I now know how defeated XH feels as he told me two weeks ago. We talked for two hours in a parking lot when he met me at a batting cage with my S. We sent S inside with his pal and XH and I talked about my career, kids, money, stuff going on with his work, etc. One of his former employees contacted me to give me more dirt on XH since they are going to court over some employment issues. Long story short, I told the guy I wasn't interested in hearing it. I have to admit, at first, it was tempting to hear about XH's money sitch, the dirt on his affair, etc., and then I thought,"why now?" If this guy had so much stuff on XH and was a true friend, why did he decided two years post-D to call me. Forget it.
I told XH about the guys call. I don't want any part in the demise of his business. Why would I? XH works his butt off and has always paid my alimony and C.S. on time. I told XH I was on his side and had no interest in hearing any dirt on him. As far as I was concerned, he paid his dues and I wanted to have a good coparenting R with him. I said to him, "you know how much you make, you know the dirt that may come out in court, you know I may find out about it, so it's your decision on what to do with all that information."
Frankly, the drama doesn't interest me anymore. I see no reason to get involved in anything outside my life at home with the kids, my career, my extended family and friends. As for XH, he made his bed. However, he has really acknowledged what a mess he made of his life, how wacked his Rat is, and he hints time and time again how he misses us.
Thought I would share this with you as a thought for the day..
I was at another bball game a few weeks ago. It was Xh's night to have the kids so I met him at the field with D in tow and bags for the night. He was leaning up against the fence watching the game. He is overly friendly when I am around which I find interesting and annoying at the same time. whatever..Anyway, I go over to him and say hi and Jane, our friend, comes over to day hi.
Jane gives us a big hello and leans against the fence, too. We start talking about my party that New Guy had for me a week prior for my 40th. Me, being me, decide to change the subject since I don't want XH to feel like a jerk and not in the converstaion. So, I link it to the Halloween party we had in 2004 when XH was still there and Jane had a few too many. We all laughed.
XH said, yeah, and got all choked up, those were the good ole days.
The good ole days..
So, these good ole days are the days he used to classify as him being a "hamster on a wheel" and he felt suffocated. Now he wishes he had them back.
That is my story for the day. They do think about what they lost and they do regret it. It's what we do with all that information that matters.
