Not all therapists are going to be good. I think it's more beneficial to find someone who can leave personal bias and beliefs behind, and help individuals and familes with their goals. Good therapists don't bring in their own personal thoughts or ideas, but help the patient clarify internal conflicts.
Saffie, I understand your experience of feeling relief when your parents split up. I felt tremendous releif when my parents divorced too. My father was abusive so it was necessary. Nevertheless, I've come to realize how profoundly this affected me. And it's something I never realized or understood when I was younger.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
My father was abusive too - verbally more than anything. He had a massive drink problem and treated my mother like sh!t. He never apologises to anyone as a point of principle - how stupid is that!!!! My mother put up with a lot but decided to walk when one day she thought he was going to hit me with a garden spade when I was 8 and he was drunk.
You know, I have no real memories of my mother prior to my parents split - my father made her into a no-one- a faceless servant in the background. When I think about the guts it took her to walk away with nothing other than �5 in her purse and my sister and I , I am amazed- I don't have that strength. She taught me a lot.
How much more damage would have been caused if your or my parents had stayed together? You and I will never know.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
Marriages where there is physical, verbal or substance abuse should NOT be kept together.... kids or no kids. I would never recommend that someone involved with this level of dysfunction stay together.... even on this site.
I don't get the impression that Augtan is in this situation. Augtan, is your husband abusive to the kids? Is he a verbally abusive alcoholic or have drug addiciton problems that are affecting the children's lives?
P.s. My husband was "unhappily married" and in MLC for three years so I know how frustraiting, disappointing and hopeless that feels.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
