Onward and upward

[mishka422]

Glam,

I wish I could just gloss over it all and forget what an inconsiderate JA he is. I used to just let it go when we were together. There was always next time. He'd remember next time. He won't always have to be reminded 10 times to do something that is a weekly occurence. WRONG! This is him. He's been like this for a number of years, not just since the bomb. He checked out of our M a long time ago but I was too stupid and wrapped up in just surviving day to day to see it.

I love my H with my whole soul but watching him further damage our son with his selfish disregard for his feelings is ripping me apart. I just can't stand it and it brings out the momma bear protective instinct in me. I want to lash out at him for hurting my baby. I know it's not right, but that's what I want. I think the way I spoke to him tonight was actually a huge improvement over the way I would have reacted 6 months ago. I'm pretty happy about that. I didn't talk down to him, I let him realize what he had forgotten on his own, I asked him to please stop promising our son things that he couldn't follow through on. Simple. I asked him these things for our son, not for me. I'm the one that has to watch his face light up when he tells me what his dad is going to do for him, with him, etc.. I'm also the one that has to pick him up when his dad disappoints him yet again.

H has been texting me tonight.

H-Hey there chica. sleep well.
M - trying to. no luck.
H - let the dog in bed with you (oh yeah - like the 10lb dog is going to comfort me more than my H in my bed would!)
M - he won't stay. jumps around, jingles, and gets down. not cold enough anymore.
H - the cops are coming to break up the party across the street.
M - thank heavens. i was just going to mention that to you. loud and the dog keeps barking at them.
H - well someone called for you. Maybe you can sleep now.
M - Maybe. I'm going to try again now. TTFN
H - Ok chica. goodnight.

Friendly banter. H is still listening to his police radio all night apparently. OW must be at work tonight. GET A DARNED LIFE! I think he listens to it to hear her voice! UUGGGHHH!! She's a dispatcher. I think I'm going to hurl! OK....STOP SIGN STOP SIGN STOP SIGN!!!!!!