Onward and upward

[mishka422]

(((Grace)))))(((((((Lisa))))))))((((((((Jeff))))))))

You are all such wonderful, uplifting people. I'm really trying to find my way through all of these emotions that keep flowing out of me. It's getting a little deep in here.

On Monday H came and took S13 out to lunch. He told him he would take him to karate on Wednesday since he's off work tonight. When I got home from work I asked my son if he had confirmed with his dad about tonight. He started to say that dad promised he's take him but I gave him that "mom" look and he stopped. I reminded him of the last two times his dad said he would take him and no showed and I had to take him last minute and he was almost late. S then called his dad....straight to voicemail. I told him we had to leave in 3 minutes if he couldn't reach his dad. I tried to call him too. Straight to VM again. I took him to karate and let him go in without me so I could cool down in the car. I managed to get myself together enough to call H again. This time he answered and sounded out of breath. I didn't lay into him, I didn't immediately tell him he forgot his son. The conversation was:

M - Where are you?
H - Where am I? I'm just now getting home, why? (home...puke!)
M - Oh, from where?
H - I was helping a friend move. (Yeah, probably another one of the guys he's encouraged to leave his family like he did the other guy since it's just so great to not have any reponsibilities and not have to take care of "the kid" anymore)
M - Oh, really.
H - Why? Oh.......SH!T!!! Karate! I'm sorry, I totally forgot. SH!T!!! Oh, I'm sorry.
M - I'm not the one you need to be apologizing to.
H - I know. Crap, I'll call him right now.
M - He's in karate class right now and his phone is at home.
H - CRAP!
M - I would appreciate it if you wouldn't promise to do anything for him since you find it so difficult to follow through. S13 was very disappointed when he realized you weren't coming for the third time in 2 weeks. He also had your father's day card all ready for you since he knew he wouldn't be seeing you.
H - Fine. I'll call him as soon as he gets home. I'm really sorry.
M - Ok. Fine. Goodbye.

I held it together pretty well. Used a very polite but not condecending voice tone. I hope it came across to him that way. I really don't need him to have his back up.

H is a total mess. I stopped reminding him of things when he left so now he is on his own and suffers, as he always has, from CRS - Can't Remember Sh!t.

I'm so mad at him. I don't care that I had to take S13 to karate. I actually enjoy seeing his classes but he has done this to his son too many times now. It's totally unacceptable. S and I had a talk on the way home. I asked him how he honestly felt about his dad not showing up. My son is not forthcoming with his emotions (Aspberger's syndrome so he doesn't process like most)and he just said that it was fine. No problem. I had to instruct him then that if he is honestly fine with it then to go ahead and tell his dad that when he talks to him but to know that he can expect this again and again in the future because he will have shown him that breaking promises to people is acceptable. I used it as a lesson to him in courtesy and respect. I talked to him about the importance of following through when you promise to do something for someone or at least having the decency to call and tell the person you won't be able to make it, in advance with plausible reasons.

S understood the point I was making to him. I hope he can retain it. I would hate for him to take his dad's example and apply it to his life. I don't want him taking any of his dad's examples of manhood into his adult life if I can help it. Gee, it's ok to cheat, lie, abandon, humiliate, and throw away the people you love. They're all expendible, collateral damage on your way to your own happiness. Go ahead, squash them all like the nasty varmints they are.

Ok, rant done. So much for my new day, new attitude, huh?

Gees. One mess up from H and I'm back in the dumps. Ok, PMS is sure a bi&ch.

(((((((((hugs))))))))))))