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[SuperDad]

OK, 2x4 accepted AG and qoe. I have to admit, you really shook me. Maybe just what I needed.

I admit, it was selfish to apply for this job without consulting with W.

I also admit that I have been avoiding conflict with W.

However, AG, my conflict avoidance with W is not a result of reading the Dalai Lama or adopting Buddhist philosophy, but rather a 18 year long pattern between me and W. If any thing, I have gotten better at dealing with points of tension with her than before. (scary that!)

I think you may be projecting other's behavior onto my stich here. Meditation, focusing on the collective happiness over my personal, short term happiness, etc. have helped me in my best moments over the past 1 1/2 years. My behavior over the past few days was a lapse out of that mindful, patient persona.

So anyway, I did not get the job, so that is that.

I did initiate a convo with W today to see if I could get her to work with me towards a divorce. No dice. She still maintains that all options other than the current scenario are unacceptable to her and that if I want a D, it will be all mine, she will tell the kids I am leaving them, etc. As expected, logic did not sway her, she thinks I am arrogant and selfish for wanting a D and that she is putting the kids first with her stance. oookaaayy.

AG, I am interested in your opinion that it is unacceptable to live in separate locations than the kids. I agree that this is not optimal, but I know quite a few people who make this work, even some of whom are married! I agree that a long term assignment overseas, for example, would not be acceptable.

Qoe,

You need to either make your M work or D and you're doing neither. Limbo sucks!!!

I have tried everything I can to make the M work. At this point, I am just making a mockery of myself to even bring this up as an option. Therefore, the choices are 1) limbo or 2) D. Looks like I will get to be the bad guy and intitiate the D.

Also, I do the things I do because they make be happy. Before the bomb, I just avoided conflict and was unhappy, at least now I have some things in my life which bring me joy. Obviously this behavior pattern is something I need to work on before I am ready for a new R.

Thanks for caring enough to post,
SD