Well, it is done. My sponsor came with me, and we talked and joked while we were waiting. x was alone, looking downtrodden. I don't think he looked at me. It went very quickly, with the judge just asking us if we understood and agreed to all of the agreement. She asked him a few times if he understood that he waived his right to ever ask me for alimony. That seemed to be the biggest deal, but the whole thing took about 20 minutes. No gavel, just the decree that the marriage is dissolved.
Outside of the courtroom, his L shook my hand and wished me the best of luck. He squeezed out a half-smile, but we didn't speak to each other. He was very red; seemed to be holding back tears. Again, I was very much at peace (SUCH a strange place to be after all the drama and emotions I have been through). They left (him quickly via the stairs). My L gave me a hug and my sponsor started to well up! I hugged her, too, we laughed, then went out to breakfast.
We talked for about 3 hours, about everything. Program. How I have changed and grown. How x hasn't. Her life and work, and mine. And how I know that yesterday was ok, tomorrow will be ok, so today was no big deal.
Got home to in-laws, who seemed very nervous about me, then relieved that I seemed so ok. Dad even welled up and said he was proud of me. I told mom that I don't hold any guilt or shame, and I'm still not even angry (I never can stay angry for long at anybody, anyway). I did all that I could and then some, and am content in that knowledge.
Kids got home from school, we visited a bit, then off to their father's for dinner.
Me, I am sitting in my house, knowing that I can now choose to go wherever and do whatever I'd like--the future is wide open.
I am divorced. Not anywhere that I ever imagined I would be, but there it is.
