Well, I spoke w/ the DB coach today and she told me that considering how angry my W is at me, I've been doing very well so far at not reacting to her when she is provoking me. However, we also decided that I can't stay neutral any longer. Our old strategy was to remain as neutral as possible, kind of going darkish, except for the bare minimum of information.
Now, the strategy needs to shift as W has made a bit of an attempt lately and she's been much nicer to me in the past week. So, the new approach is for me to spend less and less time being w/ her physically. I'm not w/ her that much as it is, but that needs to drop to almost zero. In its place, I'm to focus on spending time w/ her emotionally.
When we went over the text conversation W and I had, it became very clear that she was trying to tell me how she felt, and in return, all I did was defend why I did what I did. So, the conversation actually became about me instead of validating her.
Thus, I sent her the following e-mail today and now I need to see where it goes from here:
Quote:
I'm reviewing our text conversation from Saturday night and I can hear your heartbreak. I can hear how isolated and lonely your life has been with me. I had to re-read it again to finally hear what you were trying to say. You were lonely and afraid when you were with me. It must have been awful to live like that.
I also heard myself defending more than listening and that is what I need to continue working on changing.
This should show her that I did indeed listen to what she was saying and I am validating her feelings. It will hopefully serve as an invitation for her to discuss things w/ me further.
The DB coach tends to agree w/ you, bizarre, that W doesn't really seem to want a D. She instead wants to hurt me and let me know how she's felt all along. If that is so, then I'll need to keep DBing and moving things along.
My deposition is set for July 1 at 1:30 local time, so I'm curious as to what that will uncover (if anything). It will be interesting to see the direction she's looking to take w/ this. I'm planning on calling my DB coach again that morning prior to going into the deposition to make sure my logic and verbage are on the correct plane before I open my mouth.
Ali - the Snake is still very much around. When I was talking w/ D on the phone today, she kept hanging up b/c he was texting W repeatedly. Thus, he's still in, but maybe not as strongly as before. Only time will tell, but for now, this is the tact I'm taking.
Finally, don't worry about my letting my guard down and getting crushed by W. I'm still looking after myself and D 1st, but I just wanted you all to know where I'm coming from and what the new approach will be.
As usual, you'll all be the 1st to know what shakes out of this.
