We arrived here together and things were getting better and better, lots of hugging, ILYs, H was getting calm and happy, admitted that he was happy to be home with me and D17. I was trying to keep my expectations low most of the time, but of course I started feeling happy as well. The only negative - and a serious one - absolutely no ML! As if we were kids, fooling around, hugging, kissing lightly on the lips, that's it. I must admit it did bother me a lot, esp since he has told me that he and OW were having some chemistry between them and it was all about sex (it was a while ago, not now). June 5th H has told me that he wants to change his flight and stay until 17th (day after my birthday). Needless to say I was walking on clouds (instead of egg shells :D) . We were very much TOGETHER, I can hardly remeber when was the last time I felt so close to H. And so it was until the day before yesterday, when I realized that something is happening: my MIL has called several times, H received and replied to several e-mails and I just knew they were from OW. I couldn't resist and asked H about it. He said, the OW was supposed to leave the apt they were renting together a week ago and now he has learned from his Mom that she didn't. Instead she wrote H an e-mail that she's got pnevmonia and needs to stay there longer (she obviously didn't expect him to postpone his return)and she understands that he won't return even if she'd be dying . H offered me to read her e-mail and I've told him no, I dont' want to. And I really didn't. He told me then that she's gone now for sure and it's over and done with. He can be happy only with me, sorry about what he's done and from now on our life is a bed of roses.THe Happy Ending! Except for the NO SEX thing. Well, today I've started a R convo. Backslide #1110, or something. And I've learned that H was doing great until he heard about the OW staying in the apt and realized he is still not over her (I knew that), cannot ML to me and doesn't know why (neither do I) and when I asked if there is still a danger of him getting back together with her he said - that's right! - I DON'T KNOW! Well, right after that he said that he cannot live without me and please don't go, don't leave me. WTF?
Well, here I am. Some positives, some negatives, up and down.
Sorry again, dear friends, I really was hoping to come back to you with a nice tidy happy ending. As it goes, I'm still "bull riding"!
Love you (((((((all))))))) and thank you, thank you for all your support! Be back soon with more news.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
(((((STELLA))))) So good to finally get an update from you!!!
Piecing is a rollercoaster. WAS is usually suffering from withdrawal and our own emotions sometimes get the better of us. Try to focus on all the positives that have happened (and there are many). It takes time and a lot of hard work to get onto solid ground once WAS is back. Hang in there!!!
Me47 H46 S13 M16 Piecing since May/09
"Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." Lou Holtz
The update was worth the wait! Hon, there is tons of positive things in your post. Do not worry about the backslide. hH will get it, he still needs time to grieve the OW relationship. I know that it is asking alot of the LBS to wait through, but oh I am positive that he rewards on the other side will be plentiful and rich!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
Hi (((((Stella))))) Thanks for the amazing update. Some of us can only dream of this happening to our sitchs. You should be very proud of yourself.
The OW seems very manipulative. I mean isn't that why she didn't move out of the apt? She thought H would be back and she'd persuade him that she's the better choice. What a beotch. Probably doesn't even have pneunomia.
Focus on how you can show him your the better choice and why. Don't worry about the ML - show your love to him in other ways. When he feels confortable with your and your R again it'll be worth the wait.
Keep us posted ok?
Jen
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Stella! So happy to hear from you!!!! Things so sound positive, more so than the negative!! I'm like Jen, some of us can only dream right now that we would be in your position!!
I think you are doing great! No worries about the backslide, I think you are doing fine!!!!
Just be patient, as others have said they go up & down.
Thanks for the update & you hang in there!!!! I think the OW is trying to manipulate him into going back to her. Just show him how much you care!
From the sounds of it.. piecing is tough.. and the WA flounders a lot. So hang in there.. the ride isn't over but you are closing in on it!!
I'm so pleased for you. Sounds like you and your H are able to talk.. even about the tough stuff.. that is going to help so much with all your future interactions!
H is gone and I can finally sit down and write a summary (what happened and impact).
Don't even know where to start. It looks like it's time for me to move from the Newcomers, but I cannot decide yet where I belong. One option is Piecing , the other is Sex-Starved Marriage .
H was very sweet yesterday (and throughout his stay in general), we spent the whole day as a family, went to dinner with D17 (it was my BDay). He acts as if there is no doubt that we're going to be back together, we speak about the stuff we want to take with us on the plane and the things to go as cargo and the stuff we want to have in OUR home, etc.
H was getting visibly upset every time he spoke about him returning, he even said that he'd prefer to stay here with us until we're ready to move together. He cannot, of course, he needs to find a new job ASAP, but it was wonderful to hear. He also asked me if I think OW is trying to manipulate him ! I wanted to shout at him YOU BET SHE IS!!!!!, but instead I just told him calmly that I'm not the right person to ask and he should make up his own mind about it . I'm not a fast learner, but nevertheless, I'm learning! Oh, and he kept telling me that he made the first move. Bullsh!t. Now he finally admitted it was her.I knew it! I always thought there was something wrong with this picture of my H seducing the OW. It's just so unlike him.
And, Jen, I believe you hit the nail on the head there - she is waiting for H to come back to THEIR apt so that she could trick him back into bed with her. She's just sitting there waiting, clever old spider.
What scares me the most is the "great sex" and "chemistry" they were having. What if he won't be able to snap out of it?
My D needs the comp, I will continue later, ((((HUGS)))) everyone.
I ask not for a lighter burden, but for broader shoulders ____________________________________________________ M 46 H 45 D 17 M/T 23 Bomb #1 (ILYBNILWY) 12.06 Bomb #2 (OW) 12.07 Bomb #3 (chose OW over M) 9.08
. H offered me to read her e-mail and I've told him no, I dont' want to. And I really didn't. He told me then that she's gone now for sure and it's over and done with. He can be happy only with me, sorry about what he's done and from now on our life is a bed of roses.THe Happy Ending! Except for the NO SEX thing.
, the other is Sex-Starved Marriage 
.
. I'm not a fast learner, but nevertheless, I'm learning! Oh, and he kept telling me that he made the first move. Bullsh!t. Now he finally admitted it was her.I knew it! I always thought there was something wrong with this picture of my H seducing the OW. It's just so unlike him.