Thanks everyone. Me, inspiring?? Whod've thunk it? Actually, behind all of those positives are a lot of doubts and a lot of questions, which I'm trying to get past. Trying to focus on the positive is a very hard thing for me, but I'm working on it.
I know what you mean. I realized that I was more of a pessimist than optimist before. after getting hurt, can really make it hard, but we can all do it!
Me 33 H 34 S9 S3 M 6 yrs (2gether 11 yrs) EA/PA 1/2006 DB 5/2006 H wants D 6/2006 H wants ME 8/2006 H "said" PA/EA over 8/2006 H erased OW off phone! 2/2007
"It is far better 2 choose humility & change oneself, than 2 wait in vain trying 2 chang someone else."
That you are focusing on the positives with all that's happended speaks vloumes as to who you are. While the stuff behind it is important, it's not nearly as important as the way you handle yourself.
I had a major backslide last night, feeling fed up with how h "is." So I spouted off at him, mostly about money, like an idiot. I wish I could go back and start over. There are so many things that I wish he would change about himself, but I need to remind myself that I can't change him.
Hi new- So you didn't handle things the way you think you should have...it is okay...you are human. How did your H react? Can you try to make something positive out of this. After things calmed down, did you and your H discuss what was said? Try to learn what you can from this so you might be able to handle the situation you want to next time.
You know you can't change your H, you can only change yourself. So, keep focusing on all of your positives and find ways to accept (and be happy with) your H for who he is. You know that you didn't like your life without your H, so find new ways to make your life with him work.
I hope you aren't beating yourself up too much over last night. You know the drill, if you did something that didn't work......
Hi Grace, No, I'm done beating myself up (for now!)
Originally Posted By: Grace_O
You know you can't change him, the question is can you accept him the way he is if he never changes?
Good question. I hope that he will change, especially his self-destructive behaviors, the way he handles money, how he takes care of himself. Does it mean that I'm not accepting him if I have these hopes for change?
So you didn't handle things the way you think you should have...it is okay...you are human. How did your H react?
He reacted like he usually does when I get mad, he clams up. For years I have said that the only time he gets mad at me is when I get mad at him. It's frustrating.
Originally Posted By: Upside
Can you try to make something positive out of this. After things calmed down, did you and your H discuss what was said?
We discussed it a little. It was far from the friendly, relaxed financial discussion that I was hoping for a few days ago. I admitted that I have alot of built-up resentments about money that I need to get past.
Originally Posted By: Upside
You know you can't change your H, you can only change yourself. So, keep focusing on all of your positives and find ways to accept (and be happy with) your H for who he is. You know that you didn't like your life without your H, so find new ways to make your life with him work.
Actually, behind all of those positives are a lot of doubts and a lot of questions, which I'm trying to get past. Trying to focus on the positive is a very hard thing for me, but I'm working on it.