He's "done". Period.

[7 Year Itch]

Hi Kris,

I am here. Just feeling very antsy. I hate feeling like I'm against the clock. I'm just dreading Monday and praying he will put a stop to it. Not likely, but I don't know how not to hope that he will finally be "struck" with a desire to build this back. We had huge talks again last night. Started with me discussing some career/school goals I have, and trying to figure out if it would be a possibility with his help. To which, one thing led to another and we got into another huge gut wrenching talk. I'm really the DB flunkie. Seriously.

I got mad though last night ,and I half jokingly told him that I wish I could strap on some boxing gloves and just beat the crap out of him and wake him up. To which he started laughing hysterically. I haven't heard him laugh like that in awhile. I didn't know if I should take it positively or be offended. But it still was nice to hear him laugh.

He told me last night that this is so hard for him because he has like 80% of everything he wants, and he had 100%. Again, this frustrates me to no end ,because I said.. "do you know how many people come back from having NOTHING that they want?".

Why can he not see it? We have the home we dreamt of, the community, the friends, the career (him) and mine looming, the amazing kids, great families that desperately want us to work this out, we parent AWESOME together (still even going through this) and last night he admitted that our sex life lastely had been pretty darn great.

But he still just gets stuck on that "but I don't love you, and I never will again". To which (again, bigtime DB flunky here) said....... you know, you didn't love me the moment we met. We dated, we had experiences, we got to know each other, we had fun, and through those positive interactions, love grew. How can you be so sure that by us working to have those times again. Renew our friendship, do fun things as a family, go out on date nights, etc, that love could not grow again? I seriously do want to just smack him, because he is smarter and more logical than this. And I don't understand how he simply from a logical point of view cannnot see that possibility.

Anyway, the night ended as it does often. Us both emotionally drained, and him saying he needs to go downstairs and get sleep before bed.

I just don't know. I so don't want to put our girls through this, and I just know that it does NOT have to be this hard and painful. How can he say he has 80% of everything he ever wanted ,but yet that 20% is not worth fighting for?

Chris