Pinch Me.........

[Jeanette1120]

That is why I chose to post again. My thoughts have been tough to deal with and I am trying to keep the correct perspective and maintain a balance for myself that does not put me in jeopardy of hurting others, or myself.

Good. Sort out everything that has happened in the last lets say 6 months or so. Remember, even tho we may THINK we are not hurting someone by our actions, we need to put ourself into the shoes of our friends and loved ones.

The other stuff, well it is all surrounded by the emotions that come with the ending of one's marriage. We have all been there and we all know that no matter how prepared we think we are, we react and we have feelings that we can't always deal with.

No we can't always control those feelings Ian. But we can sure try to be aware of them. We of all people should be acutely aware of OUR feelings and how it's best to deal with them. Even if it means cutting ourself off from others as to not hurt them.

I corresponded with one of the moderators at first because she happened to drop me an email "checking in on me". I chose to open up to her and her response was one of caring and concern.

WTF? I am not so sure I like that. NO, not that you opened up to the moderator and I'm sure I can guess who it was. But that doesn't sit well with me, what if WE want to open up to another poster and NOT A MODERATOR!!! We cannot just drop them an email.
DICTATORSHIP at it's WORST

I am very very hard on myself. I am my own harshest critic. I have a hard time believeing that I deserve happiness. I have a hard time accepting that the depletion of my marriage wasn't "my fault". I have a hard time feeling like I am a good father. I have a hard time feeling like any woman will ever truly love me. I have a hard time believing that I am ever going to feel secure enough to trust a woman again.

That is very very true on most of us. Shell shock at it's best. This is why I'm saying to you......no matter who it is, a work friend, a board friend, a unknown new friend, keep in mind that you do need healing time. WE ALL need healing time.

Anyway, I am simply trying to wade through it all and get my confidence back. Get back to a place where I truly believe in myself and what I am doing. Feel like I am being a good father, friend, and man. Do you understand?? If I was simply wanting to choose the path of least resistance I would not be posting at all.

Then do it. Do it without the interferance of others and a relationship right now. Give YOURSELF time. If you don't do this, some friendships and perhaps a relationship will not have the good chance of becomeing something great.

When we as DB'ers start waffling and going off kilt, we should know that it's time for us to step back, regroup, refocus and start with a new perspective on how we've been conducting ourselves vs how we know we should be conducting ourselves.

Make sense?