Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[NikB]

Pity party over. I kicked all the guests out.

Yay!!! I am totally singing that "na na na na, hey hey hey, goodbye" song in my head right now.

That is not to say that I don't feel sad.

Of course you do, sometimes. I bet you also feel happy, excited, optimistic, and a whole range of other emotions too, sometimes. Focus on the good ones and the bad ones will fade more and more.

Oh yeah - and SHARE those happy emotions here. "Dwelling" on those will help them multiply just like dwelling on the bad stuff just piles on more bad stuff.

The last thing I want to do is lose the friends I have met here because all I do is complain.

Heck no!! You can't get rid of us that easy.

I meant to comment on that when I posted the article - that wasn't my intent AT ALL. That was my first reaction to the article too. Took me a couple readings to realize that wasn't the point.

Maybe I need to learn to forgive myself for not being the person my H wanted. I think that even though that isn't exactly the truth, I think he would have done this even if I were perfect. I blame myself, really, more than I blame my H for this. I'm a good person and I know that I love him. So, I figure "what's wrong with me" that he doesn't love me back?

No one is perfect - and who knows what might have happened if the M was different. Maybe he'd have done something like this, maybe not. If so, it wasn't a very happy/healthy M to begin with. But that's ALL in the past.

The future - you're right, I absolutely think you need to forgive yourself. Not for not being the person your H wanted - that doesn't make sense. You should be YOURSELF. And your H should be free to be HIMSELF (not just "what B wanted"). So forgive yourself for not being perfect instead. We're all human and no one is perfect.

((((B)))))

Instead, he just made himself happy somewhere else.

QUIT READING HIS MIND AND MAKING ASSUMPTIONS!!!!!!!!

I live in that place of pity. It must be comfortable for me. I've been there so many times that it feels natural to go there even though it hurts more than anything. So, I am making an effort to really stop going there or at least minimize the time I spend there.

Good plan!!

Have you ever followed DonnaFound's posts? (used to be LostDonna) She reminds me a lot of you in this aspect. She's a lot more "comfortable" there - moreso than anyone else I've seen on the boards really. She's done a lot of work to get through that, but I know it's been a long road. She posts in Surviving now, if you're ever interested in reading her story.

What specific things are you going to do to minimize the time you spend there (besides of course the obvious of having Kendall!)?