Well, I'm sure I really blew it yesterday! I've been thinking about this for the past day and can't believe how i could backslide so badly. At a big event I put on a week ago, my H showed up and flirted with two friends of mine who's D's play lacrosse with our D. Then I find out yesterday that on his night with D they attended an awards ceremony at school and H again flirted and pursued the one friend. (Both are divorced). I just lost it and called him and told him to stay away from my friends. That they thought he was pathetic and were not interested in him and to find his own friends at the sleezy bars he hangs out at. It, of course, escalated into a full blown screaming match and I ended up hanging up on him. Last night my D was at his house and we had a terrible storm, tornado, etc., so I called to make sure they were okay and we spoke civilly but I had been doing so good - being pleasant and acting "as if" and then my jealousy took over. This is so incredibly hard! I bought DR today - had already read DB - hopefully that will help me!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
What do you do about the sadness that can be overwhelming, particuarly when you H has the kids for the weekend and you are alone. I miss my kids and don't think it is fair that, just because H has decided that he doesn't want to be with us, that we should have to alter all of our lives to accommodate his selfishness. I get so mad that I miss them and can't be with them. I try to take the time to do things with friends,etc., but I still have to come home to them not being there. How do you deal with that loneliness?
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I would suggest looking as gorgeous as possible for your S's wedding. I'm sure you were planning to, but because of wanting your husband back I would suggest in investing even more than you would have: invest in a reputable makeup artist and hairstylist. It's a great opportunity for your H to see you at your best and fanciest.
You are so right Tink. Everyone has said the same thing. And I will. My future DIL has me scheduled for makeup and I have my hair person on the calendar as well. My sister, who is my clothing stylist has dressed me and bejeweled me, so it is all in place. I just need to make sure I don't get overly emotional. Everytime I hear a song that might be the one for S and I to dance to, I just bawl! It will be very emotional - my oldest S and I are very close. He has been my rock through all of this, even though I know not to involve him as much as I have, so I am working to change that. I had a nice, yet brief, conversation with H last night. I am just continuing to use the "Do Over" mindset after my miserable backslide on Sunday. It's just that after we spend time together, like we did on Saturday at our other S graduation, I miss him so much. I think that is what precipitated my crying, begging backslide. I apologized and told him I was very emotional with all the events and I wouldn't do it again. So now I just have re-read parts of DR to try to get back on track. And printed off a lot of the advice here. It sure does help!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
Did a big no no - waited for H to bring D back from their night together (in a hidden place) and followed H to see where he has going after he drops her off. And, as you would expect - he caught me! I am no good at lying or, I guess, being a PI!!! he did go a weird way leaving my place until he say me following - so I know something is up. I have to have a bigger faith and let it go! What a louse I am. YUCK! I hate when I am like this!!!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
I have to agree with Tink, Rusty. Stop focusing so much on what H is doing or not doing. Start focusing on yourself. You are still hoping that things will go back to "normal" but really you have to create a new relationship with your H. The old one is gone. Over.
As for being lonely when the kids are gone, what activities do you do for yourself? When my youngest went off to college, I joined a community choir, and I started taking classes at an adult community education center. I met new people, was having new experiences on my own, and I find that I quite like my solitude on the nights I don't have stuff to do.
Figure out what you like to do, that you haven't done due to time or family commitments, and take it up again. There is a lot of joy and living left for both of us to do, so now's the time to start.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
