Trying Hard to Detach

[addie]

I would love to stay married and keep my family together but that would mean that she would have to end the A and cancel the D in the next 90-120 days. This is unlikely at best.

3-4 months is a long time, considering most A's last an average of 6 months and your W's A has been going on for some time now. Just to reinforce this point, my H's A lasted under 6 months from the beginning of his EA to the conclusion of A. And of course he thought he was "in love" with OP - they all do. A lot can still happen in 90-120 days. If your goal is to save your M, try not to expedite D, but continue to protect yourself financially.
It must be VERY difficult to be going through D proceedings while still living under the same roof. I admire your strength throughout all this.