I suppose, Rusty, if you had never heard of the books, you might have initially felt that she was giving you a hard time, but asking what she meant by that, might have been a less confrontational way to go.
Anywho, back to divorcebusting, had a very good weekend this past weekend, did lots of things with friends, and got lots done around the yard. I thought it was going to be a bad weekend for me, as my WAH was in Quebec with friends for the weekend, but actually, I thought very little about him. It was good.
Heard from my daughter who is working in Kentucky on a internship with the Institute for Bird Population and she's really enjoying it. And my son came over for dinner on Sunday and hung out a little. So all in all a great weekend! Yay.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
How you treat people is exactly what you have to contend with.
From Relationship Rescue's chapter on Eliminating Bad Spirits:
You Turn Into an Attack Dog When you get in an argument, do you have a killer stare, a harsh tone and hurtful words? Attack dogs may experience short-term gain, but the target of the abuse becomes filled with bitterness and resentment. While it's easy to fall into viciousness, it's much harder to repair the resulting consequences.
I hear the pain and hurt in your post. And can relate. After so much time you wonder if it will ever happen - I am S 2.5 years. Like Tink said to me about my S wedding - look fabulous! Think about making yourself someone he will want to love again. Look good and you will feel good about yourself and project the self confidence he will be attracted to. If you are going to have any expectations about tonight, let them be small in regards to H. A smile your way, a nod that you did a good job - remember to set the small goals. Attainable quickly. If this is your area of expertise and passion (the choir), then let it show. You are talented, confident and in your arena - be proud and show it! Hope all goes well - let us know.
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
My son is getting married on June 21 - it has been one of the hardest things to try to get to and through. All of my dreams of our family as adults has had to change. I don't know how I will sit at that ceremony without H by my side and not just cry my eyes out. I know I will cry anyway. We sat beside each other at my other S graduation this past Saturday, and then, of course on Sunday I had a complete meltdown. When we are in these family things, I just miss him so much and wish it was the way it is supposed to be. If your H doesn't show up, I think you need to maintain your detachment. Even more. Will your S show up without him? I would just act as if you didn't really expect him to show and it was a great show, sorry he missed it. How often do you have contact with H? With still having younger kids, I talk with H alot - it is hard to go dark. I am trying to be friends and be friendly and light, but it is so hard. Does your H have OW? I don't know for sure if mine does or not, but I know he is dating and maybe even sleeping with someone. That is the part I can't stand - not knowing. I lead him to believe that I date, which I have once or twice, but it is painful, so I don't anymore. In your 5 years, have you dated? Has he? That is so scary to me!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
My son's birthday is the 21st, so it's a lucky day for sure!
I'm certain that it will be a tough day for you. On the one hand you must be so proud of your son and happy for him and on the other it will be sad, because of course, your own marriage is struggling. I hope that you can go and focus on the kids and not so much on how it is different than what you hoped for. It will a be a great day no matter what, right?
As far as my H dating, I'm certain he has. I even think there was a "long-term" relationship lasting about a year. I have no idea what he told her (if anything) about his true marital status but he has an active profile on the dating sites. And I'm pretty certain that in 5 years, he's been intimate with someone else. That's hard to accept, but I have to.
He has never introduced the kids to anyone he's involved with, he's very good at compartmentalizing aspects of his life.
I have not dated. But I have not tried very hard either. Like you, it hurts too much, and I do not want to be unfair to the other person. Now, if George Clooney should want a date, I'm pretty certain I would try that! Heh.
As far as contact with my H, it was pretty often for awhile, until I asked him why he called me so often (dumb, I know) and he stopped. Now I hear from him about once a week. I see him maybe every couple of months. It's hard. I still feel like I could pick things up with him and we could be a couple again, but I'm pretty certain he does not.
Married: 25 years Separated: 5 years Kids: 2, ages 21 and 24 Me: 53 H: 50
I wish so much that I was someone he could love again.
Hi there,
Focus on being the person YOU could love and the person YOU feel great about being. Only then is there a chance he will love you again. Plus even if he doesn't you will be OK because you will have you again.
I don't think it was dumb that you commented on how he calls you often.
How about you? Are you calling him or is contact only when he calls you?
You are in the choir, not your son, right? Why did you ask him to attend?
Good luck tonight MP53! Hope all goes well. I will focus on my kids and having fun at the wedding - good advice!
Me-48 H-48 Married 25years Sep 12/05 S-24, S-22, S-18, D-12 Dated for 9 months of S, not dating now http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...rue#Post1565826
