wow Cat03 thanks for your comments, please feel free to stop by anytime, especially if your going to make me blush
Good morning ladies, the normal life, for me it was prior to Sept 2007, W starting withdrawing from me, took me several months to figure out what was going on.
Whats normal, to me its having someone there for me, to talk to, to hold, to love. Someone I can do things with, someone I can do things for, someone I can dream with, Someone who enjoys being with me. I'm not looking forward to searching again for someone, the dating scene was never my cup of tea.
I don't know if I can ever forgive my W for what she has done, I believe that there is only a 10% chance W will want to reconcile and a 90% chance we will end up D. Reconciliation would require too much effort from W and would also require me to be able to forgive her.
I don't know if I can ever forgive her, I always ent the extra mile for her. Example: when she worked late, I kept the kids away from her and let her sleep, when she woke up she had breakfast in bed. When she wanted to do something I supported her decisions and helped out as much as I could. When she was stressed out I took care of everything and let her have some free time to herself. When she wanted to go somewhere I always said great have fun, enjoy yourself. I was always trying to be romantic, planned time together away from the kids and even when we couldn't get away from the kids, I would try to set up something special just for us, candle light dinner, outside in the back yard. We went to sports games, dinner, dancing (I' not a good dancer but I tried), concerts, etc. as a family and as a couple without the kids.
I tried everything I could, everytime, she had a problem/complaint I fixed it, guess what, she found something else that bothered her or to complain about.
At this point, I feel like I would be better off without my W. It's going to be hard to wait a year. At what point can I start dating again, do I have to wait for the D to be final. I'm Catholic so I need an annulment, otherwise in God' eyes I' still married and would be committing adultery. I keep thinking of the bible story of Hosea and I also read in the bible
Matthew 19: 8-9 Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery-unless his wife has been unfaithful.
Deuteronomy 24: 1-4 Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. But if the second husband also turns against her and divorces her, or if he dies, the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the LORD.
I feel like my W has been defiled, I'm disgusted by the thought of her and OM. It's sick, It makes me sick to think of them together.
I feel a theological debate with my Pastor coming on
Journaling
Other D6 complained of being sick last night, crawled into bed with me at midnight, boy she was restless, kicking and rolling around all night.
W arrived for work this morning and went straight to the couch, she is sick also
Stay away from South St Louis, Stomach Flu going around
W calling, I have her on the phone right now, she is repainting the wicker furniture on the front porch, I guess she is feeling better but why bother, she doesn't live there anymore ???
There is so much I want to do in my life, I need to keep moving forward. I need to control my emotions, its getting easier everyday. Thank you all for your help, I am so lucky to have found you, I am so lucky for my kids, I have so much to be thankful for.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
