New to this forum and need help..

[tmarie]

I apologize in advance for this long post, but as I read the many others I think you may know what I am going through.

We have been married for 15 years this coming June 12th. On May 24th my Husband told me he wanted a divorce. 3 days before our son left for Marine Bootcamp (leaving home for the 1st time) (we have a 14yo girl at home too). He had been gone on a international business trip for 2 weeks prior to that. I knew things were tense and I was dilligently working on becoming a better wife or so I thought.

We have overcome or swept under the rug, many things throughout our marriage, my intamacy issues, my unwillingness to open my heart completely to him, my infildelity 7 years ago. My lack of affection just to name a few. He too has issues he could have worked on...

On the flip side, we have been great friends and companions, good and reasonable parents, good business partners (we have 2 business together) We laugh, cry and support one another in all aspects except one. The affection, "in love" feelings one is suppose to have for their spouse. He has fallen out of love with me, a long time ago, as he put it. Not that I can blame him.

The truth is, I am in love with my husband. I love everything about him. His kindness, the way he looks, talks, walks. His determination, motivation, the way he is goal oriented and competitive. Loyal and true. And now I have lost that through my own stupidity and selfishness. I wish he would belive me when I say I believe this marriage can still be saved.

He stuck by me for the sake of the children until now... not only does he want a divorce, he has met someone with whom he is in love with. I get such a sick feeling when I think about it.


I have started counseling sessions, my husband attended the 1st one, only to look completely uncomfortable and to tell the counselor," I have made my decision, I want a divorce, please do what you can to help her through this." (2 days before this we had some of the best sex of both of our lives.) 2 days later we meet with our Pastor, who asked for 30 days before taking any legal action reluctantly complying, he granted a stay of execution. 1 week in and we get along great. Mind blowing love making sessions, good family time, good parenting, caring and compassion has entered the room in a big way UNTIL..... until he talks to "her". I can only assume he feels as though he is cheating on her with me. I want to make significant changes in my life (and I am trying and he acknowledges this). I want to be a good wife to my husband and I am reading, listening and taking advice from anyone who has any and implementing those ideas and suggestions and the good old dose of reality that come with it.

At this point week 2 he is leaving for 2 weeks, on business (yes this part is true), to another country, where "She" just happens to live. She will have him, and I will not. Our children do not know what is going on, they have no clue. We don't fight like that. We don't cry in front of them or express those feelings of sadness , frustation or anger. This will be a huge blow to them both.

I am at a loss, how do I do this. Do I give up and accept it, or do fight for my marriage and for my family? I know he loves and cares about me, but he said that he can only be in love with one person at a time and he is not in love with me. What do I do? Please help. Thank you for listening.

I am in the process of watching Michele's DB Seminar and have my 1st phone coaching session this afternoon. I am anxious for any tools to help myself and my marriage. I truly believe this a marriage worth saving. But he said he doesn't think he can get
those "in love feelings" back (mind you... our love making sessions have been OUT OF THIS WORLD the past 2 weeks and he too has initiated these incredible nights NEVER has our intimate moments been this intimate. Sorry if that ia too much info...

Thanks for any insight you may have.