I was a virgin when I got married, and my husband was an out and out hedonist. Once we were married, I had great problems with sex - no orgasms, very unfulfilling, basically couldn't work out why anyone would want to do it. This really went on for 10 years (I cringe as I think of what I put him through), with sex maybe upto 5 times a years, mostly ending in tears.
H was abused when young, and terrified of becoming an abuser, so me crying near the end of sex saying 'I can't do it...' affected him horribly. He said he turned off any sexual relationship with me then to protect himself. I saw numerous counsellors along the way
At the time we were both Christians, I still am, he gave up 2 years ago. I think he stayed with me because it was the 'Godly thing to do'.
In the last 5 years, I have discovered what it is all about, what to do, and have really started to get a libido! I'm quite adventurous now, and I feel my sexual side of me now matches the personality I had when I met him.
Sadly, he says it is too late.
He sees me as a sister-figure, and a great friend. He stopped having sexual feelings for me a long time ago (even though up to the bomb we were having sex, although always me initiating and only once a week if that). Recently I have tried the underwear, nice meal beforehand, talking dirty, different positions etc etc but he feels I am being too desperate. It's just not there for him.
Is there any hope at all or is this the thing that will kill us off?
Me:36 M:16 D final: 08/09 Ds:10&5 Ss:8&3 Bomb 3xPA 200 sexual encounters 15/06/08
