Serial EA/PA WAW/MLC

[BradNL]

Ok, took the plunge and resigned, does mean that if I don't get a job ASAP I'm in big trouble... No unemployment if you resign... Middle of a divorce and looking for a new job, fun.

W has been hitting hard again, wants custody (with flexible visitation rights) and now is pushing again for the apartment because its in her price range. Wants me to move out and rent a place, which will cost a lot more per month. And of course, with the custody the child support goes up (although that isn't really an issue, they're my kids, its my responsibility to support them regardless)... will leave me like most post divorce dads, pretty much broke.

So, rent a place (furnished, yay, not, hate living in furnished apartments), get a new job, change all my accounts and details to a new place. Then start looking to buy another place... where do people find the time to do this stuff when they have a job, one they've (in my case, hopefully) just started? I am terrible at organising things, terrible at dealing with people in general (yep, one of the reasons W gave up eventually).

And the money situation is going to be bad, just about getting to even out the overdraft (after the bonus and notice pay as well the money from changing over the mortgage to a better interest rate at another bank), no job and W is pushing the divorce as much as possible. Had various outbursts about wanting me to move out (Am I wrong in wanting to stay? She wants to leave me and already has been going every night to stay with her new boyfriend, has a place sorted for end July to move into for 6 months too) yesterday just before a job interview! And again this morning (she commutes back most mornings to get the kids to school etc) she let loose about how I wanted dual custody only because it would mean less child support!

Ok, so maybe dual custody is a big stretch for me, I've been out of the loop through my own apathy and self involvement for years. I could try mitigate it by saying I was never asked to be involved but that seems a pretty lame excuse for not being part of my family in a significant way. I'd like to think that W having custody with flexible visitation could work though, I don't want to become one of the (once every two) weekend dads, sure I'd have the freedom to do what I want, but I'd lose my kids! I've grown very attached to being with them a lot over the last year since this divorce kicked off, I've been the one looking after them, making sure they're dressed, fed, bathed etc.

Sure, W has been doing that for years before that and I'm playing catchup. I'd rather start now than never be a part of anything in their lives. I even had the milestone of being the one that helped S8 with his presentation for school, helped him write it, found pictures to go with it and printed them out for him etc. No, I'm not the ideal dad, probably never will be, but I'm trying to be a decent dad rather than a dad in name only.

Social life? Yeah, I've heard of that... GAL is not on track at all atm. Have invited friends (yeah, I have two) over once or twice since I got back from the USA, 3 weeks and two evenings of watching a movie with a friend... Tomorrow my one friend is coming over again, have to always check with W though... still my apartment... weird. But can't go visit a friend tonight, W has her book club... so, er, she can go out every night but I can't go out any night? Organised to maybe go visit my other friend next wednesday night, which W grudgingly said was ok, then complained that she wouldn't be able to go sleep at her boyfriends place because I'd be back late... So she can't sleep here for just one night so I can go out? How is this going to work with the custody then?

Also got a whole thing about how I never do the paperwork... yes, I never have. W is good at it, she trained as a bookkeeper and a secretary when she got out of school, she may hate it and wishes I had helped over the years... Ok, its another lame excuse, I was working, she was at home, I could have helped her but I didn't. Now I will have it all to do myself, guess who is going to be battling to keep organised?

Went to get a new mobile contract yesterday, W shouts at me because she wants me to rather get pay-as-you-go... 6 euros a month for a year with 150 (that's outgoing only, we don't get charged for incoming here) minutes + 100 SMSs. That is contract only, no new handset, I have an old one I can use until I have a job and can afford something that isn't 5-6 years old *8I At least now I can be out the house without worrying that nobody can call me, company mobile is going back on friday... Not good for job interviews when you don't have a mobile number!

Hope W stops being so angry with the whole situation soon, I want to keep the apartment, I'm willing to let her have custody (with the flexible visitation) so she can get cheap social housing (with emergency priority, since she has kids and no home). She already has a new car (which she will keep) after she had a huge accident that wrote the old one off. She has a new boyfriend who she has been seeing for quite a few months... she is helping him plan his new kitchen etc already... Why is she still so unhappy? Is it because we aren't divorced yet? Or because she will have less money after we divorce? I guess we never know, even though they give us plenty of reasons.

What now? I'm gunning for the new jobs, only have a max of 3 months before I run into serious money issues! Nothing like a good scapegoat resignation to lift the spirits after a nice holiday, followed by a touch of divorce drama... *8P Yes, I have to laugh at myself, life is one big dark comedy... (Speaking of which, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang is hilarious, watch it).

More interviews tomorrow afternoon and tuesday morning... who knows, with the right attitude I could have a new job before my notice pay starts to dwindle! Then I have a month or two of effective BONUS pay! Whoot. Always look on the bright side of life... (Don't sue me Monty Python!)