TK... sorry to hear how you are feeling. I went through deep pain and depression during my D and in fact, got dumpped in an R afterward too. So I guess I can relate to that too.
What I have come to believe about any relationship strategies like DBing is that they only increase your chances, they do not provide guarantees.
Frankly, I believe they seldom work. That may sound bleak, but I dont think we would have the "Surviving the big D" community with thousands of posts if DBing worked a high proportion of the time. Thisis not a criticism of the techniques. I do believe they increase the chances a huge proportion. It is simply that nothing can stop a person from leaving an R if they are determined to. Nothing. And human beings are fickle and unpredictable.
It hurts, yes. Your pain is very real. It is, however, not uncommon. DBing or any other strategy only increases odd from terrible up to bad. My take anyway.
So try not to be self-defeating about your outlook of your success with this most recent R. I was not in the best of shape even years after my D. It takes a long, long time to heal. And a lot of pain to get us to take our personal growth and recovery seriously enough to make the most significant changes.
If you can, and I know it is as tough as anything, but if you can, use this pain as an opportunity to learn what it is about yourself that reacts to pain, what it is about yourself that you contributed to the factors that prevented this R from working, and always be on guard for self pity. It will try to sneak up on you and make things worse.
I am talking to you as a brother who has been through many of the same battles. Check my threads, maybe you can relate.
Just hang in there my friend. A day at a time and keep looking for answers. You are not failing. This is just life and the way that R's work in this convaluded age of selfishness and easy-disposable relationships that some people throw away like bic lighters.
We are up against a divorce culture propogated by hollywood and other high profile influences that suggest we can just be in and out of Rs without consequence. And that everyone will be fine. I can tell you, having moved on and even remarried, all is not fine. I am happlily remarried yet I still hurt over my D. Not like I used to but I do feel the pain frequently. We can live with the pain and be happy in spite of it. Yet it is still there.
Let yourself cry. Learn to have a good honest deep cry. That was one of the best things I ever did. It releases so much emotion and allows us to heal. Dont feel bad about it... just learn to do it authentically. God put crying there for a purpose.
