Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[JennyF]

I wished I could have had them both in the room...they wouldn't allow it for me. But it's worth asking. The worst they can say is no. In the end I'm glad it was the way it was anyway.

Please be careful though, you seem to be getting almost comfortable in the "poor me my H ruined my life" role.

I've been thinking about this all day since I last posted to you. NikB said it well....I was just going to say stop it with the pity parties. I mean we all need them now and then, but you're existing in one.

You just said....I need a swift kick in the ass....

I needed a swift kick in the ass. Thanks. I know that I am doing a lot of this to myself. But,

Why but? The but is a given. The but goes with out saying. We all know about the but. Stop repeating the but!!!
The rest of your post you totally brushed off the kick in the ass and continued with it...I can totally see how you build it up yourself...

I feel sad. I feel angry that he doesn't have to suffer for anything. I'm trying to get a grip on myself. I don't know why I feel so low right now. Maybe it's because I'm home and have extra time to dwell on the sitch.

OK...with the exception of the 'H isn't suffering thing' you had me up until this point.

Then you just took that kindling and flamed it into a roaring fire...

Maybe it's because I'm angry that H acts all happy in his new life and I am not. Maybe I'm jealous that he got what he wanted from someone else and I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger because of it.

When are you going to stop this? When are you going to stop saying that he is happy and got what he wanted. He has reduced himself to a lowlife who left his wife when she was pregnant for a woman he barely knows...do you really think that he is ok inside?

I'm not sorry I said what I did about OW. I know it's not the best DB'ing. But, sometimes I get sick of taking it and swallowing it and dealing with his F'd up decisions. He wants us all to be one big happy family. Is he on crack?

Again...ok, you're stating the facts and how you feel about it...then more fanning of the flame...

That woman contributed to the destruction of my family and my M. Why does he think that I should be okay with this? He f'd up our life. He did it. I'm just feeling the hurt again.

Do you know how many times you said you're angry and hurt??

1.I feel sad.
2. I feel angry
3. I feel so low right now
4. Maybe it's because I'm angry
5. I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger
6. I'm just feeling the hurt again.

I'm sorry to disect your entire post this way, but you have to see that THIS is how you are doing it to yourself.
You are entitled to these feelings and you are certainly entitled to express them, especially here of all places. But you go on and on until you've made it sound as bad as you possibly can at that moment.
If this is what you're doing here...what must you be doing at home all day? I know what that's like and I know how hard it is to break this cycle.
But start by breaking it here. How can you possibly feel better after just posting all that? Before you send a post read it and see what you just did. Did you get something off your chest or did you reiterate and elaborate on all the sordid details and feelings.
You get yourself all riled up just by recapping all the hurt and pain AGAIN.
In reference to 'that book' I've been reading...this is your Pain Body...and you are feeding it and making it grow stronger.

I wish I could pull myself out of it quickly. It's just harder this time.

Do you really want to pull yourself out of this? If so, you need to start to listen to all of the good advice you've been given and start to make changes. Start with your posting...if you finish a post feeling more 'hurt and angry' than when you started it then this is NOT productive for you!!!

I had been on these boards for all of a week when SG asked me to come by your thread and post to you. Our sitch's were so similar, I had just had my baby and you were just getting started. I feel like we have a bond and like we've seen eachother through a LOT of ups and downs. I feel as though we are friends and I care about you a lot. So please know that all of this is meant from my heart and I am not trying not to be more hurtful at a time when I know you can't take any more. And you certainly don't deserve any more.
I just know that you are going to have a renewed sense of being next week when they put that little girl in your arms. Your focus will change, trust me.
But please, STOP THE PITY PARTIES! STOP STOP STOP!
Don't just take the kick in the ass and then do it again. Otherwise I suspect you may keep getting kicked in the ass!
I love ya!
J~