The Ultimatum

[fooled again]

sg,

I apologize for my transgression. You're right, I had no idea that was considered advertising. I fully intend to comply with the rules.

FA

[fooled again]

Creed,

Thank you. Maybe I should change my name on the boards!!

Well, I think inner peace is a difficult thing to achieve, even on my best day I have ups and downs, but I certainly feel that I'm in control of my life and I'm no longer bobbing around like a cork.

Finding myself was the most important part of my journey, since I know now that I had lost myself long before the A. But I guess it was not so much "finding myself" but taking a long hard look at in the mirror and actually DECIDING who it is I want to be and how I want to live my life.

FA

[Jeanette1120]

Hey Girl!!

I just want to say I so admire your strength!

You are stong enough to do this.

Kudos and best of luck to you.



Good thing i went to that (now deleted) website you posted, it was awesome!!, Unfortunatley, not every answer lies within this website. Too bad "They" cannot see the struggles we go through and accept new approaches

I am anxiously awaiting to hear how things progress for you. I now it will all be in your best interest.

HUGS!

Jeanette

[fooled again]

Thanks Jeanette,

I'm so glad you got to see that site. I have found that there are many, many sources of help and hope out there on the Internet, and each little piece has helped me get to where I am today, especially what I learned about emotional intelligence and co-dependence.

DBing has been a HUGE part of my "reinvention", but it took me awhile to get it - I think that's just the LBS mentality. I saw DBing at first only as a tool to get H back. When I finally "got" the part of it about using it to make me happy w/ myself so that I would be strong enough to deal w/ whatever happened b/w me and H, then I realized how powerful and amazing I truly am, we all are.

It's been a b#tch, the hardest 2 years of my life, but oh man, if it never happened, who would I be today??? Maybe some Stepford Wife.

I've been reading your story and many others, lurking for the past few months and not posting much. I'll keep you updated, though, since I've gotten so much from all you wonderful people on these boards! I'd love to be able to give something back!

Plus I know that piecing is just the beginning of a new challenge, and I'm going to need all the help I can get.

FA

[micoms]

FA,

Checking in on you. Glad to hear you're standing up for yourself. It might be the kick in the pants H needs. Not much changing in my sich, although W is friendlier and seems to be inching her way out of her MLC. I've given up, and have started dating.

If H does want to come back, I agree on him being transparent. I honestly don't know what I would do or say if W wanted to come back now, she has done a lot of damage.

Mike

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Plus I know that piecing is just the beginning of a new challenge, and I'm going to need all the help I can get.

You have some good people doing it who can help out.
You also have some good people who aren't piecing who can help out too.

[Florie]

Keep us posted when you hear from H! I know things will work out for the best no matter how he responds. I like what you said about your daughter learning from you handle things.

[butterflymom]

Unfortunatley, not every answer lies within this website. Too bad "They" cannot see the struggles we go through and accept new approaches

Jeanette

I so agree with this statement Jeanette, but they don't make $$$ off those other approaches, now do they??

I do think that Michelle wants to help people, but she also wants to make money and really that's the bottom line of this website. Any outside help whether it be through others in her same position(other proprietary places) or help from individuals through email and phone calls, cuts into her profit margin.

BFM

[cat03]

FA, I'm picking up my jaw from the floor, as I read my story in your story, the similarities are just scary, the H seeming to work the M, the hidden and uncovering of As, the "trips", the finding out about ow, the ow crying and being horrified and told she was going get married to the creep, etc etc. The same SAME freaking spinelessness of our Hs.
Don't want to be a stick in the mud, but at this point your H seems to be so involved with her that he will find himself unable to let go of her, my stbx was the same, not strong enough to tell me the truth nor tell her, didnt' want to hurt anyone (*sigh*) but ended up horrible hurting 2 women. My stbx waffled back and forth, between what he knew and his family and "doing right" by the ow, the guilt and the water works from ow just muddled the waters.

You did right, enough was enough. My stbx took the easy way out, told me he "figured out" we were never compatible, brought up ancient stuff and wanted a LS, so that's were are now.

However, I will pray for you, I'll pray that perhaps your H isn't mentally ill like mine and decides to drop ow despite how hard it might be, and go for the gold, your M.

Good luck hon))))))))))))))))

[fooled again]

Mike,

It may be the kick in the pants H needs, but it's my last straw. H is saying alot, but I'm waiting for actions - I'm especially waiting for us both to meet w/ OW. That is going to be the turning point for me. If it doesn't happen, the rest of it doesn't matter.

I have seen H a few times since the "letter" and have talked with him quite a bit on the phone. We've discussed him giving notice at his apartment and him telling D that he is moving home. He says he will do both next week. Telling D is a huge step, as I know he does not want to hurt her or give her false hope. But I do have to remind myself that the A began while he was living at home & he carried it on for over a year b/f he moved out. Telling OW not to ever contact him again, with me present, will be the one thing that makes me believe that this time really is different.

I'm meeting w/ my coach tonight (not a DB coach, but someone local I have found) to talk about the next steps. She went through a very similar situation w/ her H and now says that her marriage is better than she could have imagined. I can't tell you how much of a difference that is making for me hearing what she felt and did and what her H told her he was feeling. We all need to find the right kind of C or coach or person to talk to - it really does make all the difference.

As for you, Mike, I'm glad to hear that you are doing what you need to do for yourself. Just be honest w/ yourself about what you are prepared to do if your W changes her mind and wants to try again w/ you. Thanks for stopping in.

FA