Thanks Karen :o) It irked me because he barely talked at all after his breakdown email and it was all me reassuring him that his parents won't hate him, that I will be okay when he leaves and am still sad (it bothered him tat i did not seem that upset). Ugh! So today he says our talked helped and he is doing well - after a 14 hour date with his OW yesterday I guess he would be!
I caved and emailed back about how hard it is knowing someone else has his heart, how hard it will be to stay friends after he leaves and how i am torn between loyalty to him and moving on. I know, I know - I should not have sent it! He'll be home within an hour and who knows if he will say anything since he didn't email me back. I should not have sent it, I just caved and I almost felt I had been too reassuring when we talked last night and he was feeling a little too good about how smoothly this was going.
I'm sure you realize it, but please don't spend any more time reassuring your H that everything is OK and trying to make him feel better. Let him feel guilty and horrible--he should!!!
And I know you won't email him again about someone else having his heart, etc. Again I think that makes him feel better, etc.
Have you gotten a copy of DR yet? Also, what are you doing to GAL? That really helped me a lot getting through a lot of tough times, being with friends, having fun, and focusing on yourself. I hope you will try to do that! I hope I didn't hurt your feelings with this email, I am usually a big marshmallow, and hope I don't sound too mean today! Karen
Karen - you are so right and spent last night thinking 'why did i send that?' - back on the wagon now :o) I have read DR and actually doing pretty well with GAL - running some 5k's, hanging out with friends and family and when he moves out I am going to de-wallpaper and paint some rooms that I have been wanting to change for a while in the house to make it more my taste.
Just a bump in the road and going to try and be better. I am going with the no emailing and acting 'as if' although I probably won't see him until tomorrow night since he has softball tonight. Thanks for the advice :o)
Me 32/H 32 M 3yrs/T 8 yrs 0 kids and 1 dog Bomb 5/15/08 - wants to end it to pursue OW Seeing OW and moving out 7/08
I have read DR and actually doing pretty well with GAL - running some 5k's, hanging out with friends and family and when he moves out I am going to de-wallpaper and paint some rooms that I have been wanting to change for a while in the house to make it more my taste.
Florie, that all sounds great! It's so funny; I am doing the same thing in my house, got new curtains and painting and planning on changes. (An extra bonus b/c my H has been upset by some of the changes--maybe signs of us being ok without him and maybe even doing better?).
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Just a bump in the road and going to try and be better. I am going with the no emailing and acting 'as if' although I probably won't see him until tomorrow night since he has softball tonight.
That sounds like you have the perfect attitude!!! I read an article recently about making real changes in your life, and the most important thing is apparently when you make mistakes, b/c we all make mistakes, is to just get right back to work on our changes instead of giving up or whatever. Karen
So I get an email late in the day from him telling me he 'might be late' Thursday and will I be home for the dog that night -- which to me translates to him having a hot date with OW and staying out until 2am. That will be fun for me to look forward to. BLAH!
Anyway, remember I sent the email I should not have yesterday which he never responded to. My response to this one 'i will watch the dog thursday'. Was that okay? Maybe I should have been friendlier but I am not feeling friendly toward him at the moment.
Me 32/H 32 M 3yrs/T 8 yrs 0 kids and 1 dog Bomb 5/15/08 - wants to end it to pursue OW Seeing OW and moving out 7/08
Florie, It's normal to have bumps in the road. Try not to beat yourself up about the email. I think your response was fine. Perhaps, you could add "Thanks for letting me know :)" if the opportunity arises next time.
It can't be easy to grin and bear it knowing he's out with OW. Could you aslo go out, at least for part of the night to take your mind of his "date"? (((Florie)))
Just thought I would check your thread! I know what you mean. My H stayed in the same house with me from Sept. 6th thru Feb. 2nd. The OW was in another state but I was nosy & knew when he would go & see her. He would leave early & tell me he had an inspection at work or that he was going to his home town. So many lies & I knew it & didn't say a word to him. He spent 2 weeks at Xmas with her & came in just like nothing had happened. It got really tense around here especially with all the legal stuff going on.
I think you are doing a great job GAL!! It is hard to see them every day & know what they are doing & who they are with.
Don't beat yourself up about the email. Sometimes you just have to let them know.
If you want to see what not to do, you should read all of the times I've emailed my H here lately. Sheesh, I cant even seem to keep my NC policy for more than two days. But you know what, its ok because this is the process that I need to go through to heal. Dont worry about the email. You will have plenty of more oportunities to make mistakes, and guess what, they will be ok too. Your doing great and KEEP GAL!!!
Broken Hearted ------------------ Me - 36 H - 37 S - 8 Married - 1992 ILYNILWY - August 2007 Moved Out - March 2008 OW Revieled - May 28, 2008 Filed for D - July 2, 2008
Well, not much of an update. I ran 3 miles today which felt great and am doing a 5k Saturday. I am not a fast runner but I like to try and beat my own times. I am also going out with a freidn Sat. night. Emailed H today asking if he could watch dog Sat. Told him I would watch dog Friday and Sunday if needed and let him know he was welcome to have some of the dinner I was cooking tonight. He replied back that he would watch dog Sat., would eat his own leftovers and noted a leak in the basement which I guess I'll get to contend with once he leaves. I did not respond since there were no questions needing reply in his email.
I asked how his day was after my run and made mention of all the DVDs he has been watching lately kidding around. He was a little chatty sharing some news from a letter his sister had written him. There is nothing to read into it because he is in la la land with OW these days, but nice that we can get along if needed. I am now up in my room with dog on computer and will probably watch some dvds later. Not sure if he thinks i am pathetic for hanging out alone or not, but i actually enjoy it so i don't really care!
Thanks for the encouraging posts :o)
Me 32/H 32 M 3yrs/T 8 yrs 0 kids and 1 dog Bomb 5/15/08 - wants to end it to pursue OW Seeing OW and moving out 7/08
Not sure if he thinks i am pathetic for hanging out alone or not, but i actually enjoy it so i don't really care!
Enjoy! My H thinks I am lame because I don't go out and drink and party all the time. If I go out, I either 1) take kiddos with me or 2) do something productive, like see a movie, etc. I also like to go to bed early, that's lame too.
Anyway, remember I sent the email I should not have yesterday which he never responded to. My response to this one 'i will watch the dog thursday'. Was that okay? Maybe I should have been friendlier but I am not feeling friendly toward him at the moment.
I think that was perfect! Why act friendly or happy when he's doing that? I like it! I had a setback today, too, updated my H on my job hunt stuff and told him about that, totally unrelated to the kids. Oh, well, will try to do a better job tomorrow!!! Karen
Karen