Pinch Me.........

[SDFoundGirl]

Ian--

I mostly lurk, but I wanted to throw a couple of thoughts your way.

Try not to feel guilty about the "feelings" you are having--about your kids, about your desire to focus on you, etc. Feelings are what they are, and they in no way define who you are as a human being. Even as a full time, awesome parent in a committed relationship, great people I have known express a desire to send their kids *somewhere else* for a while so they can have a life, get some sleep, etc. This is normal; it doesn't mean you don't love your kids or won't step up and do what's necessary to be a good parent.

Feelings and actions, as we've learned via DBing, are very different things.

I actually think it's incredibly normal to want to focus on yourself. Being on the piecing end of things, I had the same feelings not so long ago. I'd had to hold my tongue and be the patient one for so long, even though I had issues with my M and wanted to bring to the table. The difference between our sitches, Ian, is that I got my turn. My H has stood in my shoes, heard the hard stuff, and taken action. I got my turn and my say.

I kind of see you as taking your time now as you would if you were in piecing...and actually, you *are* piecing, only it's your life you're piecing back together.

Guilt is a way we torture and second-guess ourselves. Deal with what is, not what *should* be by whatever story you buy into. Do you intend to hurt others? Are you neglecting your children? What is the evidence your actions provide?

Take care of you, keep conscious, and embrace your own happiness.

SD