I don't thing anyone "gets" the things that don't make sense except to the WASs! The fact that your H isn't aware that OW is not a good mother is more proof that this doesn't have much to do with you, and everything to do with how screwed up he is. He's totally in la la land. What he sees as a healthy R and who he sees as a good mate, mother etc, is based solely on his own selfish needs and meeting them. So, he values the woman who'll party with him and tell him how great he is and doesn't know all of his past screw ups. They can explain away their faults. "When we're together we won't have to be out in the middle of the night to see each other", or "We'll still be able to have fun because we'll make sure our custody weeks match and we'll have the kids one week and be free the next" They've told each other A LOT of BS along the way, but neither has been put to the test.
I like to imagine it's like two used car salesmen on a date. Looks great when they're hearing the pitch, but two months out and they've each been roped into buying a scratch and dent with flat tires. What was supposed to be cheap and easy eventually leaves them stranded.
You are great Sue... you're gonna be fine, even with all of the ups and downs. You're dealing with reality and that's the best way through all of this. I admire the way you're handling yourself and allowing yourself time to cry when you need it, but picking up and moving forward to.
Story for all the LBS ....There's a woman in our office who left her H when their daughter was a couple of months old. All we ever heard was how awful her H treated her. Ya'll know the drill. She was having an A with her boss and although they were "just friends" they've been inseparable since her D. It's been about 5 months and she's now seeing her XH and can't decide who she wants. Seems her boss isn't moving fast enough and living alone and taking care of the baby by herself has been hard. Guess the fantasy didn't pan out. She's put everyone through this and I can't say I've seen the woman happy for five minutes since I've known her. Reminds me of so many WAS who can't see they need to fix themselves and their partners aren't the prob.
The fact that your H isn't aware that OW is not a good mother is more proof that this doesn't have much to do with you, and everything to do with how screwed up he is. He's totally in la la land. What he sees as a healthy R and who he sees as a good mate, mother etc, is based solely on his own selfish needs and meeting them. So, he values the woman who'll party with him and tell him how great he is and doesn't know all of his past screw ups. They can explain away their faults. "When we're together we won't have to be out in the middle of the night to see each other", or "We'll still be able to have fun because we'll make sure our custody weeks match and we'll have the kids one week and be free the next" They've told each other A LOT of BS along the way, but neither has been put to the test. 
