The last time we had a serious talk about me not getting my hopes up, I let her know that I will support her decision, but that it was the last thing I wanted to see happen. I did not tell her that I was "fighting" for the relationship or that I was, or would do anything to stop her, or change her mind....wrong??
I think the statement above is perfect. And where you chose to stop is perfect as well. You don't need to tell her you are fighting for your marriage, your actions take care of that.
As for "I love you," well those can be trickier depending on her state of mind. But the only thing you can do is throw one out there at some point and see how it flies. If it's well received, that let's you know you can try one again some time.
As for the whole alpha male thing, I'm just trying to say that it's not about power and wielding power. It's about being decisive, strong, and confident. You don't feel the need to beat around the bushes to say what you have to say, because you are in control of YOU and you know how to say what you mean IN LOVE.
She never wanted a boy toy who says "yes dear" to everything she suggests. Why do you think she quickly agrees to just about any idea you have? She wants a MAN who will make decisions and take steps, and that she knows she can trust would do anything to keep her safe.
I think things are progressing in your relationship if what you are sharing is accurate. As things progress and trust is slowly but surely rebuilt, you will at some point have to take a chance and begin speaking what your words have been showing. It's still not up to you to start a relationship talk, that's her job given the circumstances. But expressing your feelings and devotion to her in simply yet meaningful ways? I think that's fine.
Again, just be prepared to adjust if she reacts unfavorably. Keep in mind the mental picture of trying to offer food to a frightened squirrel. Calm, gentle and loving. Don't overwhelm her.
Does that make sense?
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
"I think things are progressing in your relationship if what you are sharing is accurate. As things progress and trust is slowly but surely rebuilt, you will at some point have to take a chance and begin speaking what your words have been showing. It's still not up to you to start a relationship talk, that's her job given the circumstances. But expressing your feelings and devotion to her in simply yet meaningful ways? I think that's fine".
I believe I have been accurate, and realistic to myself about the way things are going. As I said, I do have a concern that what I feel from here at times is for real, and that is because she (we) is sometimes "under the influence".
The time for testing the waters will come I suppose and I will have to take the chance. The only way she seems to want to bring it up is under the guise of not getting my hopes up, which to me of course is a negative. That sets me back to the wait and see that I have been doing the last couple of months.
I have a slightly better handle after these comments about how I may be able to sneak in a response or two that may at least let her know how I feel without directly talking about the relationship......and a plan or two to be a better "alpha male".
So Bill You are hanging with me and I appreciate that. I want to ask you..everyone and maybe some walking away wives out there something.
I am sitting here thinking about what has become a bit of a routine for my day off. Wife works close to home, I do not. I have always been around on my day off to see her, talk to her..pop in to say hello, etc.
That has continued, mostly, these last couple of months since the talk, and really seems to be the only day that I initiate contact with her. When I am at work and she is also, or at home, it is her that sends me a text, or calls for one reason or another. Mostly text I have noticed...silly jokes, comments, questions..whatever it may be, she is the one that always seems to be the first one. It makes me feel good...I will be sitting there thinking about her and "ding"..I get a text. I have made it a point to not bug her while she is home alone, at work out with friends, whatever..and 9 out of 10 times, I hear from her first.
Back to my days off. Unless I have an appointment or something pressing, I will usually give her a call and see if she wants lunch, coffee...anything while I am out, etc. She is usually receptive....sometimes I get the "Aww, you don't have to, or only if you are coming this way, don't make a special trip for me", etc.....of course she doesn't know it is in the opposite direction I had planned to go.
Today I brought her lunch and asked if she wanted to have dinner tonight....gave her her choice and went shopping.....I am prepping as I speak and waiting for her to come home....she even offered to cook when she got here if I wanted her to.
She has been texting me back and forth all afternoon about problem customers...the heat...always seems as though she is trying to stay in touch somehow, especially when I try to avoid contacting her.
Given the situation, do you think that I should be LESS receptive to her text messages and phone calls and such? Am I making myself too available? Never giving her times where she can't get hold of me or knows where I am....should I try for more of those instances?
Is it wrong for me to be sitting at home, making dinner and waiting for her to get here? It IS something I would have done before, but maybe not as consistently, like helping around the house, or doing laundry.....they are not so much 180's as things I should have had a part in all along, but let go.
She never makes much of a fuss about any of it....just seems to accept that is what I am going to do and I think appreciates it...
...and before someone says doormat....the other day she spent the whole day home cooking. Not just one thing but a few, and one was a favorite that I asked for.
I'll be honest. I think your such is much different than most of the sitch's on the board. Because I honestly believe that your wife wants to be married to you.
So my advice differs from what I might tell another person on this board.
There is no need to withhold anything from her.
There is no need to do anythng other than what comes naturally out of your love for her.
And no fear of you being a doormat. Unless for some reason you start to feel like a doormat.
Go with your heart. Trust your feelings. Be the man.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
