Pregnant and trying to be stronger

[blindsided1]

I needed a swift kick in the ass. Thanks. I know that I am doing a lot of this to myself. But, H comments about OW and how she's "thinking of me" totally made me want to reach through the phone and rip his cold little heart out.

I feel sad. I feel angry that he doesn't have to suffer for anything. I'm trying to get a grip on myself. I don't know why I feel so low right now. Maybe it's because I'm home and have extra time to dwell on the sitch. Maybe it's because I'm angry that H acts all happy in his new life and I am not. Maybe I'm jealous that he got what he wanted from someone else and I got a lot of pain and hurt and anger because of it.

I'm not sorry I said what I did about OW. I know it's not the best DB'ing. But, sometimes I get sick of taking it and swallowing it and dealing with his F'd up decisions. He wants us all to be one big happy family. Is he on crack? That woman contributed to the destruction of my family and my M. Why does he think that I should be okay with this? He f'd up our life. He did it. I'm just feeling the hurt again. I wish I could pull myself out of it quickly. It's just harder this time.