We are on a downward spiral

[Bagheera]

Hiya NTE,

As I'm sure you know, setbacks and occasional regression into old patterns of behavior is a common occurrence throughout any marriage's recovery period. The important points are to learn from them, *not* become discouraged, and remain steadfast in your determination to improve the relationship. This is particularly true in a case like yours, where the only one who is actively seeking to make a positive change is YOU.

For now, and a long time to come, the sexual relationship between you and your wife will carry with it an undercurrent of worries and tension: neither of which is very conducive to a good sexual relationship. As such, you'll both have to do a bit of 'egg-shell walking' to avoid the old pitfalls and develop a new pattern of sexual interaction. You wife's comments, even done in a joking fashion, were a bit insensitive towards a husband who is particularly touchy (and understandably so) in the area of sexual rejection. Your defensive response showed your overly sensitive nature in this area: a response that I know all too well -- been there, done that, too many times.

DQ has the right idea: honestly admit the mistake, apologize if necessary, and PUT IT BEHIND YOU. No brooding permitted (this is coming from a brooding expert BTW). Continue to focus on your GAL program, putting your emphasis on improving your self-image and self-esteem.

Best of luck,

-- B.