It's time when I need to start putting in applications for special housing programs, jobs and day care. It stresses me out when I think about it so I've been putting it off. But this head-in-the-sand approach isn't going to work much longer. lol
It's hard to know what direction to go in so I tend to just sit still but that causes the pressure to build up or I start to feel stagnant.
Well, two days down where I haven't initiated contact with him. Yay, me! lol The only thing I've done is to email scrapbook layouts to him of the family and his career because he requested them. But no chit chat or anything in the emails. I'm going to see how many days I can go without calling or texting. If I reach a full week, I think I might treat myself to something fun. :-)
I'm a procrastinator too. One of the things I've been working on is tackling the things I do have actions I can take instead of waiting on them. It's hard though lol.
Originally Posted By: lovnlrn
Well, two days down where I haven't initiated contact with him. Yay, me! ... If I reach a full week, I think I might treat myself to something fun. :-)
Yay!!!! Sounds like a nice plan!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Okay, so here's my current dilemma (as opposed to the on-going ones. lol): the $300 month he allots to me isn't even close to enough to pay for groceries, gas, diapers and all the bills plus extras like shoes or clothes for the kids or dance lessons, etc. He pays the car insurance and supposedly the van payment, I pay everything else. There are no credit card bills except for the Military Star card and they just take that out of his paycheck. We live in Post housing so all of that is taken care of. But still, $300 isn't enough at all.
So, in order for me to get food stamps or any type of government assistance (besides WIC), I have to have papers that prove we are separated. Otherwise, I have to take his LES in and they will say that we make too much money. I'm feeling like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
1. I can't get financial aid to help take care of my family without filing papers.
2. I don't want to file papers because that feels like fueling the flame that's burning any hope of reconciliation.
3. I can't afford to take care of my family without govt assistance
4. I can't get a job because I can't find anything that pays enough to come out ahead since I'll have 3 children in childcare.
I don't know what to do. He has never said that he has changed his mind or is even considering it. He left in November and has been adamant (in words) that he wants a divorce and that "we aren't good for each other & we don't work well together, etc." Am I being naive?
Does NC have a legal separation and a divorce? If so, I say file legal separation - that wouldn't start the D process but would separate you financially.
If not...perhaps you should file for D. You can always drag it out, withdraw it from court. I know it's the LAST thing you want to do, but the reality of it is, that piece of paper doesn't change the R you do or do not have with your H, but it does affect your financial situation drastically.
I am so sorry you are having to make these decisions. (((L&L)))
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Uhm I have news---He is NOT giving you enough money. If you went to the base commander, they would agree. If you are forced out of housing, you are entitled to ALL of his BAH, as that is for supporting his family. You are also entitled to 3/5 of his base pay. This is without a court order!
SMW
M40/H36 T16/M14 4K B2/08 S4/08 current
Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:7
I have to log off, baby won't go to sleep. I read your replies but will have to answer tomorrow. I don't have internet at home and I am on my neighbor's patio. :-)
TTYL. Thank you, guys, for your encouragement. :-)
Things aren't looking good. I feel like I'm in birth pangs and I need to hold on, confident that the process will yield a miracle. But in the meantime, I'm sweating, cussing, in intense pain, scared, doubting my ability to get through the birthing, etc.
My H is in a full blown relationship now. He was supposed to come see D8's recital this past week but complained he didn't have enough for gas. We texted him and called him all weekend, letting him know different fun things about the kids or that we missed him. He never answered. Then on Sunday night, he called and said he had a migraine all weekend. I had that sick feeling I get when someone is in my "space". I knew he was lying. We talked for a little bit and he tried to start something sexual with me, saying I was the best ever and that he knew he would always love me and that he wasn't feeling good but that he knew some action from me would make him feel much better, etc. I discovered last night through some of my "super secret ninja squirrel" techniques that she spent the weekend down there with him. I saw her myspace page and it says something like "I have a wonderful boyfriend, what more could I ask for?" I felt sick. But in a catty kind of way, I was amused to see that she wasn't very attractive and had small saggy boobs. lol She is quite accomplished thoughl... a paralegal and private investigator, has a bachelor's degree and associates degree, has a background in business management and accounting. Yeah, I felt like the frumpy, no brain housewife for sure.
Anyway, I really want to quit. Come on guys, tell me I can quit. My heart can't take much more. I don't really think I want this guy who is so adept at leading a double life. I also found out that he has had an eharmony acct since April. Hm, wonder how he paid for that....oh yeah, with the money that was supposed to FEED HIS KIDS.
The emotional abuse for so long is trying desperately to make me forget who I am. I have difficulty remember my good qualities, etc.
Now, there's not only no internet at our house, but the phones are turned off, too. I'm at McD's using the WiFi. I paid a portion of the house phone and hoping they will turn it back on soon. This "came to pass", right? It didn't come to STAY? I hope not. I just keep thinking about all of the labor I endured, thinking I wasn't going to survive....but I did. I just don't want to lose ME in the process.
I decided to file separation papers, find out the difference between spousal support and alimony and am also considering filing "alienation of affection" on his part against his girlfriend. I have her full name, address and phone number. I won't call it because I have certainly learned that that type of behavior is a "cheeseless tunnel". I considered sending her a link to my blogspot blog so she could see what was really going on in his life that he walked away from but thought better of it. What I did do though is in a post on my blog put his full name (as in, "I don't know how much longer I will be Mrs. ............"). Since she is a private investigator and also has a child, that tells me something about her personality. It is fairly likely that as she gets more serious with butthead, she will want to do a little "research". I'm hoping it will come up in Google.
Well, the clock is ticking so I have to go. Pray for me. I'm really starting to have difficulty with confusion, broken thinking, forgetfulness, etc. I think my thyroid levels are low so I asked the dr to order labs but I really think the stress is what's doing it.
