What in the world does your H think people are going to say to him about the way he's treated his W? (Can he look in the mirror and see himself? Sheesh.)
Of course your H is quiet. His life is a mess, and SueS is moving on without him. NEVER in his little world did he see YOU making plans on your own (ie renting your own apt). Things aren't going as planned.
lwb, yes, D4 did like Kung Fu Panda. There was one part that she thought was scary but it didn't last too long.
Not much sleep last night. I got tired around 10:30 and started dozing. H had come home but left shortly after 10:00 to go work out. I finally fell asleep, but woke up around 1:45 am. No H. I couldn't get back to sleep so I grabbed a blanket & went out on the deck. It was nice and cool out there. Our deck has a very clear view of the underground garage. About 2:15, H came driving in. He looked up and saw me. The look on his face & in his eyes was precious! He snuck in and cowardly just went to bed. Not a word from him. I stayed out there for a bit longer and then went back to bed myself.
My mom let me know this morning that my sister has taken the two days off of work that I'll be moving so she can help. My BIL, niece and her boyfriend are coming in too. This is the oldest niece who has a clear understanding of what's going on. It's sad. My H used to be very close with my nieces and now they don't even know what to say to each other.
I'm still feeling a bit lost and out of sorts. I think that H being nice for a while and now turning cold again has hurt in a way that I didn't expect it to. Guess I'm not as numb and okay as I thought I was. I'm still ready to move on but he's still my H and he's still the man I've been with for 17 years. Can't change that.
Have a good day everyone!
SueS
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
Hope that's normal, because I feel that way too at times!
Quote:
I think that H being nice for a while and now turning cold again has hurt in a way that I didn't expect it to.
H's moods still affect mine, but that's normal. Think how far you have come. Its ok if it touches you still, it doesn't reduce you to a sobbing mess, does it? Progress. Stronger SueS.
You are doing everything right. Even if it feels wrong.
I'm still feeling a bit lost and out of sorts. I think that H being nice for a while and now turning cold again has hurt in a way that I didn't expect it to. Guess I'm not as numb and okay as I thought I was. I'm still ready to move on but he's still my H and he's still the man I've been with for 17 years. Can't change that.
SueS
I feel the same way, too, Sue!!! I do think that I felt worse in the period right before we separated, I was depressed and dreading the separation, and was surprised that I actually felt more relief than anything, a lot less stress and all, when H moved out. I think I had mentally prepared myself quite a bit beforehand, and I think you have too! (((Sue))) Karen
lwb- No, what H does now does not reduce me to a sobbing mess. I did have a few tears come out last night but it was mostly from thinking about D4. Her life is about to be turned upside down and she has no idea what's coming. That part still makes me cry.
What I don't get and what I'll never understand is how my H can think that a woman who stays out until all hours of the morning doing what she's doing while her children are all at home is a good person. OW's H has said a few times that he's woken up at 2:00, 3:00 am because one of their kids is upset or crying for their mom and she's not there. He said at one time that his kids are dying for their mom to be a bigger part of their lives and to give them more attention & time. Then, this woman, who thinks that my H is going to provide her with a loving, happy home thinks it's okay that he's out until all hours of the morning away from his own child! How can that at all make sense to anyone?? It makes me so angry.
Karen, I'm ready for some relief.
SueS
Last edited by SueS; 06/10/0803:37 PM.
ME: 42, H: 42, D6 Together: 18 yrs. Married: 15 yrs. Attended Retrouvaille - December 2009 Status: Working on it day by day
What I don't get and what I'll never understand is how my H can think that a woman who stays out until all hours of the morning doing what she's doing while her children are all at home is a good person. OW's H has said a few times that he's woken up at 2:00, 3:00 am because one of their kids is upset or crying for their mom and she's not there. He said at one time that his kids are dying for their mom to be a bigger part of their lives and to give them more attention & time.
Same thing in my sitch, too. They would be out late at night or even stay in hotels all night and weekend trips before H moved out! And when the OW was home with the kids she was texting my H! But he thinks she is better than me b/c she has a full-time job and I don't! Do you think they will ever realize that's horrible (like we do)??? Karen
I don't thing anyone "gets" the things that don't make sense except to the WASs! The fact that your H isn't aware that OW is not a good mother is more proof that this doesn't have much to do with you, and everything to do with how screwed up he is. He's totally in la la land. What he sees as a healthy R and who he sees as a good mate, mother etc, is based solely on his own selfish needs and meeting them. So, he values the woman who'll party with him and tell him how great he is and doesn't know all of his past screw ups. They can explain away their faults. "When we're together we won't have to be out in the middle of the night to see each other", or "We'll still be able to have fun because we'll make sure our custody weeks match and we'll have the kids one week and be free the next" They've told each other A LOT of BS along the way, but neither has been put to the test.
I like to imagine it's like two used car salesmen on a date. Looks great when they're hearing the pitch, but two months out and they've each been roped into buying a scratch and dent with flat tires. What was supposed to be cheap and easy eventually leaves them stranded.
You are great Sue... you're gonna be fine, even with all of the ups and downs. You're dealing with reality and that's the best way through all of this. I admire the way you're handling yourself and allowing yourself time to cry when you need it, but picking up and moving forward to.
Story for all the LBS ....There's a woman in our office who left her H when their daughter was a couple of months old. All we ever heard was how awful her H treated her. Ya'll know the drill. She was having an A with her boss and although they were "just friends" they've been inseparable since her D. It's been about 5 months and she's now seeing her XH and can't decide who she wants. Seems her boss isn't moving fast enough and living alone and taking care of the baby by herself has been hard. Guess the fantasy didn't pan out. She's put everyone through this and I can't say I've seen the woman happy for five minutes since I've known her. Reminds me of so many WAS who can't see they need to fix themselves and their partners aren't the prob.
SueS- just reading some of your posts, I know how your feeling,, my H is doing the same thing,, caring, sympathetic and understanding one minute then dont' see him for a week,, the whole back and forth thing is what makes it hurt even more,,, just when you think your past the crying and letting them get to you they do it again,,,I totally know how your feeling,,my prayers are with you and your D,, you are strong and will be ok
MAZ Me 40 H 42 M 1990 Together 20 years Bomb 2/16/08 Separated 03/01/2008 2 boys 12 & 15
The fact that your H isn't aware that OW is not a good mother is more proof that this doesn't have much to do with you, and everything to do with how screwed up he is. He's totally in la la land. What he sees as a healthy R and who he sees as a good mate, mother etc, is based solely on his own selfish needs and meeting them. So, he values the woman who'll party with him and tell him how great he is and doesn't know all of his past screw ups. They can explain away their faults. "When we're together we won't have to be out in the middle of the night to see each other", or "We'll still be able to have fun because we'll make sure our custody weeks match and we'll have the kids one week and be free the next" They've told each other A LOT of BS along the way, but neither has been put to the test.