Thanks for your encouragement this morning Ali. It's really nice to wake up to. I should be getting dressed for work right now but I have no motivation today. Other than the paycheck I need, I'm just so burned out on everything. Tired, depressed, and lonely. Yeah, I'm a real joy to be around right now.
I hear ya on H. He is seriously messed up and has so many issues that he has no idea how to deal with. He won't get counseling. He says he doesn't need it, that he's just fine and that's a bunch of BS anyway. Ok buddy.....sit and spin!
One of my best girlfriends from work was trying to find out what I had called her about Saturday night but we were so busy yesterday that I didn't have a chance to talk to her. She called me last night and I told her I called because I was having a complete meltdown Saturday night and I launched into the whole convo with H. She has been happily M for 24 years and can't imagine going through all of this. Her opinion is, of course, D him now! Why are you waiting for him to do it? It's not fair of him to keep you dangling like this. You can't move on with your life.
Explaining to her that I have no desire to move on, but only forward did no good. She and I kept talking in circles about it. I told her that the only reason to D in my opinion would be if I had plans to move on with someone else or to even look for someone else. Since that is NOT going to happen and I have no desire for another R ever then I need to stay M if for no other reason than I keep H's medical insurance this way (I can get my own through our company but it's so expensive that it would eat nearly a 1/4 of my paycheck!).
She just didn't get it at all. I told her that I'm not letting go without a fight. Biblically speaking, I have every right to D my H but it's not required. I don't want that and it seems he doesn't really want that either but he doesn't see any other option right now.
Sorry to babble.....haven't had my coffee yet but I smell it brewing in the kitchen so I'm headed there now. MMMMMMMM......coffee......nectar of the god's..........today it's Kona roast Hazelnut with Black Cherry Struessel creamer. Almost dessert!!!!! My girlfriend brought be the coffee from her trip to Hawaii in January and I finally broke down and opened it. I'm going to be so sad when it's gone.
