Since he did act like he wanted to see you, it does seem that he leaning towards #2, rather than #3, though just plain curiousity could explain almost anything.
You've done what you could do. Go make some music!
I am OVER THE MOON for the results of the night out with B! WOWSER! OOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! KABLOOOOOMMMMMMMM!
I LOVED!!!!!!! the sock comment- I smiled so hard when I read it and now I feel like I was part of your night out. And I love the naughty song singing too- those were both great baby steps- moments of connection that I think are SOOOOOOO positive. Who would ever have imagined that that would have happened on the first meeting?!!!!! GREAT!
Everyone else has also listed positives, so I won't go over it all, but I think the cheesecake, his eyes lighting up, the eye contact, the brushing arms, his text, all are so positive!
Don't worry too much about thinking that there's a stranger in B's body. Honestly, it took about 6 months of weekly meetings and daily e-mails post bomb for me to see a vague glimmer of my actual H in H's body. YOUR B is in there somewhere- he's just in a slightly different place right now. I think it's good that he's happy with how things are for him right now- I agree that if he's happy it's a much better foundation from which to build a new R. Maybe things will move more quickly than with the H's who need to fix themselves before they can do anything else.
I like the e-mail you sent B. Let's see what he does next. I thought his eyes lighting up about you being in NYC after Lyrica was a great positive. Hopefully he'll arrange to do something togeher again. It sounds as though he really enjoyed your time together- if he hadn't he wouldn't have suggested dessert. Oh, and another thing to not worry about- B not mentioning your appearance. My H has only said I look nice (just that- you look nice (ugh)) once post bomb. I don't think it was because I looked bad because the same day, CEO had told me I took his breath away. Anyway, so I think they just don't say these things for whatever reason.
I LOVED that your bra lace was on show- HOT! I bet he noticed that and had to fight to stop his pants from exploding in case his zipper flew off and hit you in the eye
WELL DONE T!!!!!! I'm so happy you had a good time (and sorry for rambling!)
Don't worry too much about thinking that there's a stranger in B's body. Honestly, it took about 6 months of weekly meetings and daily e-mails post bomb for me to see a vague glimmer of my actual H in H's body. YOUR B is in there somewhere- he's just in a slightly different place right now.
OD, thank you so much for this... I feel really reassured by this.
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I LOVED that your bra lace was on show- HOT! I bet he noticed that and had to fight to stop his pants from exploding in case his zipper flew off and hit you in the eye ;\)
Yay!!! I was worried it might have come off as "trying too hard" but I'm glad you loved it!!! You made me laugh so hard with this zipper in the eye comment!!!
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Oh, and another thing to not worry about- B not mentioning your appearance. My H has only said I look nice (just that- you look nice (ugh)) once post bomb. I don't think it was because I looked bad because the same day, CEO had told me I took his breath away. Anyway, so I think they just don't say these things for whatever reason.
OD thank you again, this is super reassuring. AND THANK YOU ALI for making the same observation!!! It kinda reminds me of john 210's thread... he said that when his wife told him she wanted to piece, she told him it definitely made a difference that he always looked so sharp. So I guess they notice, they just don't feel like they can say anything.
MAYBE BECAUSE WE ARE SO HOT, it will just remind them how confused they are!!!
So I think I am having a delayed reaction to last night. I had a really tough rehearsal this afternoon and basically felt completely incompetent and just wanted to run away and cry in a corner somewhere. After dinner there was a special concert at the main house and I just laid down on the floor behind the couch where not that many people could see me. The first piece just made me weep, and I tried not to make any noise... and my mind just wandered...
And I thought, where is the man who rubbed my shoulders whenever I did dishes? and cried in my arms? and got excited to get naked with me? and squeezed my knee when exciting things happened on LOST? where is he?
I think I have been doing a good job of finding my own happiness, but I realized that there is still a lot of pain, a big hole, that hurts... my therapist told me I bottle up my emotions, and I think I opened the bottle while I was listening to the concert. I wonder if he is feeling the same thing(S). I think I have not grieved for him, because I am afraid if I do, I will lose my resolve and my hopefullness to continue. But I did try to embrace the pain, and just feel it, and center myself in it, instead of intellectualizing it...
I am not sure about this new alien version of B, but I really miss the old B, and I yearn for another chance to do things right. I feel like if I had just done a better job of loving him, none of this would have happened. I know it's not all my fault, but I think part of me feels like I really really failed him. I feel like there is some kind of S&^$ that we need to work out between the two of us... I dunno, maybe next lifetime
It also crossed my mind, in a very calm way, that maybe he doesn't want me to come to his bluegrass concert b/c maybe there is another person he doesn't want me to see. Honestly I would not want that either. but I am seriously not sure anyone would go for this beard. It seems like a very anti-sex statement, I am a lone mountain man, I chop wood in the frigid icy morning and scrape lard out of the bottom of the barrel, and I don't trim my beard for anyone!!
A, i am sorry if I recounted a lot of stuff that didn't make sense. Which parts were confusing?? I want to clarify or minimize the confusing parts in the future.
J, please be gentle with me. I know that option 3 is always there. Please support my hopefulness... I know you are probably just trying to help me keep my expectations low, but please be gentle with me....
On a lighter note, here is another song he and I sang together walking down the avenues of new york: i'm not crying The subject matter is ridiculously ironic!!!
It's ok to be hopeful. He did want to see you, that is a good thing!
Originally Posted By: transformer
And I thought, where is the man who rubbed my shoulders whenever I did dishes? and cried in my arms? and got excited to get naked with me? and squeezed my knee when exciting things happened on LOST? where is he?
That exact guy doesn't exist anymore, any more than that Transformer exists.
Originally Posted By: transformer
I am not sure about this new alien version of B, but I really miss the old B, and I yearn for another chance to do things right. I feel like if I had just done a better job of loving him, none of this would have happened. I know it's not all my fault, but I think part of me feels like I really really failed him.
You KNOW this isn't true, right?
Originally Posted By: transformer
It also crossed my mind, in a very calm way, that maybe he doesn't want me to come to his bluegrass concert b/c maybe there is another person he doesn't want me to see. Honestly I would not want that either. but I am seriously not sure anyone would go for this beard. It seems like a very anti-sex statement, I am a lone mountain man, I chop wood in the frigid icy morning and scrape lard out of the bottom of the barrel, and I don't trim my beard for anyone!!
Maybe, maybe not! Maybe bluegrass chicks dig face fur? I don't know. It really isn't important. Make sure you tell him you enjoyed seeing him, and look forward to doing it again. Then, maybe you'll find out something.
it's understandable that time with him after so many months would bring out emotions you were trying to "bottle" or ignore... Just as you tell us, embrace all of your emotions and keep going... We don't know what is going to happen. None of us does but we are trying hard to make sure that, from our part, we did all we could. We hope for the best but we need to be realistic and keep our eyes open and protect our hearts and LEARN!!!
Your "date" went great. You know that. You didn't live a movie scene (actually you did with you guys singing together...), but considering this was an "ice breaker" meeting you did fine. Both of you. He must have been nervous, he must have been curious, he must have been worried... I bet you he felt relaxed and calm and had a warm fuzzy feeling afterwards and that is a nice feeling to have.
Continue with your plan, protect your self and don't worry about tomorrow. Kalni
Your date what ENORMOUSLY GIGANTIC in the scheme of things. its been a long long time since you saw him. Its SO normal now for your emotions to be totally out of control. I've been through it too!
It makes you go back to square one and re-analyse everything again with each new found bit of information. You will no doubt be exhausted as your brain tries to figure out, for example what the beard thing means, in the context of your whole relationship and you as a person! And that's just the beard! I dont think you can stop it either - your brain just does this weird thing, you go through all the highs and lows again, and you are absolutely drained at the end of it! Dont fight it - it will happen. But know that you will come out of this stage a stronger more centered person. And you will go back to normal, and probably be more accepting of the situation then you were just a few days ago.
Just so you know.... the beard thing is NOT attractive! I cant think of any girl I know that finds that much facial hair a turn on!
Accepting that your lovely BF does not appear to exist at the moment is really hard. It doesnt mean that he wont exist again in the future. But its true he's not existing here this moment. You dont have to like it, but it will help your emotions if you chose to accept it.... (((T)))
Be so gentle on yourself T - dont expect anything of yourself at the moment. What you have done is huge - you put yourself out there again, and dared to hope. Go back to the basics of concentrating on yourself and what brings you happiness and peace.
You were absolutely amazing on your date! He is SO impressed and intrigued I'm sure. I bet you knocked his socks off (you get a million gold stars for bringing up socks in the context of poker! what a pity that BF had no idea how witty you were being!)
thank you so much guys ((((J)))))))))((((((((K))))))))))((((((((((E))))))))
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You were absolutely amazing on your date! He is SO impressed and intrigued I'm sure. I bet you knocked his socks off (you get a million gold stars for bringing up socks in the context of poker! what a pity that BF had no idea how witty you were being!)
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! I know, I don't think he had any IDEA what I was talking about, except that I was bantering about strip poker!!!!
Wait a sec... I just realized... I was so impressed with my own wit making my comment about socks, that I didn't realize until now that he actually made a joke about playing strip poker together and by extention being naked together!! There is a tiny, tiny smidge of possibility that maybe just maybe he was voicing some actual subconscious desire to SEE ME NAKED!!! Now that is a baby step!!!!
And I love the naughty song singing too- those were both great baby steps- moments of connection that I think are SOOOOOOO positive. Who would ever have imagined that that would have happened on the first meeting?!!!!! GREAT!
I feel like there is some kind of S&^$ that we need to work out between the two of us... I dunno, maybe next lifetime