Maybe I'll actually start up a clean blogging/rant thread. I dont want to link to the old stuff, though.
Those who have a nice image of me, and want to keep it that way, probably shouldnt read this....
Right now, i'm .... having a personal challenge. A challenge not to "do a 180" for myself, that isnt particularly a good one. I'm feeling a tickling in the back of my mind to go barhopping, to find some "company." Which is a huge change for me, because I've always HATED bars. But I know it's the generally accepted place to "find some female company". And I'm pretty sure i'm not in it for sex. I find myself trying to convince myself, I just want some close female conversation. Or maybe a back rub. Or maybe just someone to "sleep next to". without sex.
And it all sounds somewhat innocent, and "well sure there's nothing wrong with that"... Except I know myself too well, to believe i would just stop there, if offered more.
Ugh.
I find myself wanting to try out a massage at a "massage parlour", for some positive touch. Since that might be "safer" than a bar. Then again, is it? AUuruugh....
hatethishatethishatethis going nuts.
I have a T-shirt, with words on it that say, "Lead me not into temptation.. i can find it myself".
yeah, that's pretty much how it is
i've been out for quite a few nights in a row so far. "Not to a bar". So far. Just to get out and be around people. But it's not enough.
I stuck my head in one last night. Two, actually. I didnt like either of them. Had dinner somewhere else. But if i liked the place, and they had decent food, I would have stayed.
i need my wife. i need her company. but if I ask her, she'll say no, jsut like she always does. especially given the family trip coming up, and what she's been doing with her free time lately.
dont know if i can make it to the weekend, though. cant sleep well any more. was up until 2am, for 3 nights in a row. Used to be, having our boys with me, would help me sleep at nights, at least 50% of the week. Not any more.
going out with a group tonight. hope that will help.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
(((((Dom))))) After all of the help you've given me, I wish I had wise words. FWIW-there are lots of legit places to get non-sexualized massages. But it sounds like that isn't what you really need. Your tenacity is admirable. I don't know if I could make it two years.
Me-43 H-46 M 12 yrs 7/09 T 15 2 grown kids bomb 7/05/07 H moved out 8/04/07 11/22/09 told him I quit;let's get ball rolling Mid Dec- he isn't sure he wants D End 2/2010-Starting to consider piecing
I know exactly how you feel. I have been out on 'dates' with a couple of good female friends , and its good fun / company but thats all it is and sometimes one needs more. I know that one of these friends at least would be in for more but that for me would mean an emotional involvement that I would not be prepared for and would be unfair to her. So there we are stuck in this middle ground .
I too have thought about just going out and seeing if I could pick up someone " without strings " , but have not had the Guts to actualy do that and am not sure I realy want too.
I dont have the answer , just right there with you on how it feels.
Oh and you have been separated for a year longer than me as well , I may well be thinking very diffrent in a years time.
(((((Dom))))) After all of the help you've given me, I wish I had wise words. FWIW-there are lots of legit places to get non-sexualized massages. But it sounds like that isn't what you really need.
you're right. the massage WOULD be nice. sexual or otherwise, it would feel good for the moment... but what I really need, is someone to cuddle up with, i think. Someone who actually chooses to be next to me, rather than being paid. Even a "working girl" wouldnt help with that. hence why i'm feeling drawn to bars, i guess.
interesting, or something, that supposedly men go to bars for sex, and women go there for affection. ha. I want a "one night stand", without sex? Gah.... even if I could find that, it wouldnt stop at one night. that's EA central. I know what's dangerous. i KNOW DAMMIT!!!!
... it just doesnt make the feelings go away. i need affection... . . .
PS: thanks for the support, C_K
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D. Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M. 3 wonderful sons caught in the middle
Dom, I'm not sure there's advice I can give you because you are like the king in my eyes. You're the wise man on top of the mountain.
But, I don't think any girl that you'll bring home from a bar would be OK to just lay next to you. You certainly won't feel that "affection" even if she just sleeps next to you. And, if it goes further, you'll can bet you'll get some really nice form of STD. Women that go home with men they meet in bars are likely in the habit of it, you know? Same with a massage parlour. Some escort services make their girls get monthly testing, but really is that where you want to put your money? How about some healthy porn??
Don't do something that you can't erase.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
It is particularly hard to stand when you come to this place of need.
The need for physical touch and affection can become so strong that it threatens the foundation of all you've been believing and fighting for.
This is not an easy leg on the journey.
In fact, it is probably the most difficult.
I respect that you have chosen to write about it as opposed to keeping it hush-hush like others do.
This is dangerous territory you're in, when you are giving the beast (lust) little samples of eye candy here and there...but don't think you will maintain control of these circumstances, Dom. Someone will come along and cause you to compromise yourself and your stand.
(((Dom))) I am new to your board, but have seen you give some great advice. I can relate to what you are saying...I have just recently managed to get back into a bed rather than sleeping on the couch. Be careful...the illusion of company can be just that, an illusion.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
