Too late for DB, thread 7

[cw68]

I know I'll survive this. I know that I'll be "fine." I know that there are lessons in here that I'll look back on and be glad for them. But I also know that I do not want this.

At one time I adored my husband, but I haven't felt that for about 10 months. My pain is only partly because of the loss of us, it's mostly because of our children. The adoration I once had for my husband has turned into reality. The reality is that I still chose him to father my children, that I still chose to exchange vows with him that I must honor. The fact that it's one sided just brings more pain.

I will fight this to the moment it really ends. I told him I was backing off completely, but that I was still here for him. He called and spoke with the kids and still asked my D to get me. I told him that I didn't know how to just watch him walk away, to choose to live apart from his children and told him that there is another choice, that his spouse believes in our marriage, our family. I told him that I would be at the Retro site July 11 hoping he'll be there too. I know the chances are slim, but everyone else in his life has walked away or been walked away from. Continuing that is not an option for me.