The silence is deafening!

[arianne123]

I havent spoken to my WAS for almost 3 weeks now. Had a friendly birthday text from him on 29th May-didnt answer it- since then silence.Am proud of myself that Im not pursuing him or insisting on regular contact as I did before. Weve been married 28 years seperated 1.Current situation is that we reached divorce nisi but before final absolute he asked for a delay. He says he is confused-loves me but isnt sure we could live as man and wife.There is an OW in the picture but he lives alone.Its been a terrible 12 months I had a minor breakdown but am getting stronger by the day.I think he is afraid to contact now because the last time I saw him I lost it and said I couldnt take the uncertainty any more. He said he would see his counsellor and asked for a month more. Month is now up. He will be surprised I know that I havent called him (a littlt 180 for me!) but not sure what to do next,problem is I finish work in July and need financial support from him.Can afford to wait a bit longer. But I know things will change when we have to discuss finance,especially if soliciters are involved. I really want to save this marriage- I am convinced he would regret a divorce.Has anyone been in a similar place? Awful to have to end the marriage because of money.I know he wants to remain in contact-even when things were awful and the divorce was days away he was saying " are we going to still see each other?".Help- advice please1

M-28YRS
S-1YR
BOMB-MAY 07
DECREE NISI-OCT 07
MARRIAGE ON HOLD!

[TwinDad]

Arianne,

Sorry you are here, but there are a lot of good people here that you can lean on.

Knowing a little more about what got you in your sitch might help a little bit. You have some positive signs, he could have had the D but put it on hold. He is wanting to know if you are going to see each other. I would read this that he wants to see you.

Not pursuiting and calling frequently is a good thing but if you want your M to work at some point you are going to have to start talking to one another. I would start with small talk and if he brings up the R then let him talk about it. Responding to his initiated text about your birthday would have been a good place to start. If you want to be a little "mysterious" then wait a little bit before replying. While I have been separated, the rule of thumb I am using is if my W initiates a dialog (text, e-mail, phone con) then I will reciprocate else I for the mostr part give her her space. When we do talk I never bring up the R or things related to the R. If she does then I for the most part listen and try to understand her POV. Don't know if this helps any.

Best wishes!