I do not know how to deal with this, the end, the reality.
This is where someone comes in and says, "Hey, it's not over until the papers are signed." I think that's BS, at least in my case. It's over, he chose this and I'm a mess. I'm a mother looking at a lifetime of pain for my children and I know that it's at his hands. There's just no way to deal with it that I know of, and yet I know that I must.
This is the worst day of my life. I know all hope is gone and so is my husband.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
Take care of your kids, and you. We'll help you get through it all! You are a great person. This is a rotten situation, and you don't deserve it, no one does. But you will get through it, and you will be GREAT!
I'm so sorry for the pain you're going through. I wish I knew what to say to help ease it, but I also know that words can only do so much.
Originally Posted By: cw68
My children's lives are going to go the complete, exact opposite of my beliefs and that is being decided 100% by another.
Quote:
I'm a mother looking at a lifetime of pain for my children and I know that it's at his hands. There's just no way to deal with it that I know of, and yet I know that I must.
I'm right there with you.
(((((((cw)))))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
You will survive this. Easy to say butyou will . Right now, you are in intense pain,panic and shock. Try to sit "in the moment" Are you ok right now this second? Take a deep breath . Then another. You are alive- you will survive. I am 58. Last year my husband of 28 years disclosed that he had been with other women throughout our marriage, was leaving me, there was another woman he was desperate for. I wanted to die and cried all summer- had a breakdown I had lost everything-job ending-house on market- no money- and a future alone.A year later nothing is resolved. I am in limbo but somehow one day at a time I am getting through-surviving not living but somehow I have the knowledge that I will be ok. So will you although you cant see it now. It sounds as if like me you adored your husband and cant imagine living without him. But you will.I am praying for you.
I know I'll survive this. I know that I'll be "fine." I know that there are lessons in here that I'll look back on and be glad for them. But I also know that I do not want this.
At one time I adored my husband, but I haven't felt that for about 10 months. My pain is only partly because of the loss of us, it's mostly because of our children. The adoration I once had for my husband has turned into reality. The reality is that I still chose him to father my children, that I still chose to exchange vows with him that I must honor. The fact that it's one sided just brings more pain.
I will fight this to the moment it really ends. I told him I was backing off completely, but that I was still here for him. He called and spoke with the kids and still asked my D to get me. I told him that I didn't know how to just watch him walk away, to choose to live apart from his children and told him that there is another choice, that his spouse believes in our marriage, our family. I told him that I would be at the Retro site July 11 hoping he'll be there too. I know the chances are slim, but everyone else in his life has walked away or been walked away from. Continuing that is not an option for me.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
You are a strong woman! I know that you will do the best that you can, for your kids, and even for your H. Maybe he will realize that you are not walking away from him, and see how special you are. I am proud to know you.
Thank you Jeff. I'm either very special, very stubborn or very stupid. It could be a mix of all three.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
cw68, "I'm a mother looking at a lifetime of pain for my children and I know that it's at his hands. There's just no way to deal with it that I know of, and yet I know that I must."
I am right there with you too. The kids' ages, duaration of our Ms similar. I feel you. I am trying so hard to avoid all this. But if I fail, if he decides to proceed I know I will be fine. You will be too. One day each day. You can't run from pain. Face it. Cry and let it all out. You need to hit bottom before you can go up again. Show your kids what being a fighter means. Be their everything.
