As to your plan... my thought is really do a 180. Let him have what he "wants." and see what happens. I know it's a tremendous risk, though.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I have no doubt either that you did good on your exam! I can feel it!
Originally Posted By: MichelleLT
My head tells me that's what I have to do. But I don't know if I can...
....because your heart tells you otherwise. (((Hugs)))
While you two are talking tomorrow, try to do so without giving him any sort of grief. Hold back on the nasty remarks and don't play the blame game. No matter how angry you are and feel justified in doing so, it doesn't help the situation. Believe me, I know . Listen to what he is really saying and try to understand his feelings on the matter.
I say give him a legal S. Tell him you are willing to do that but cannot agree, at this time, to a D. You don't believe in it, and in his own words, neither does he.
But it's solely your choice, and it's never over til it's over.
(((Hang in there and be strong.)))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
Like you, my day sucked today in the same way. I wish I could say something to make it better, but there's nothing I can to do that. Only time will.
Me: 42/H: 37 T: 10 years/M: 8 D9, S8 Bomb: 7.23.07 Separated: 1.20.08 D Final 3.19.09 Affair started in '05, found out parts in 11/07. They married 11.26.09
I hope you are ok today, are you up, in bed, I'm not sure??? One way to sort your eyes out from crying...cold teabags, works a treat. Stick them in cold water, or ice water, get the tea brewed in them, then stick them into your eye sockets and relax for 5 minutes. Have tissue handy as you get tea stains down your face!
I was thinking about what you said about NOT wanting a D. Of course you dont, but the way you are putting it seems a little bit like holding him to ransom. And I think I agree with GoingForward, that it might backfire and the better course of action might be to back down, to be humble, to listen, to say ok then. What good is fighting going to do you? You will make him angrier and more resentful and that isnt going to help your cause. Be the person he least expects, be flexible, agree to the S or whatever he is so anxious about?
I know this must be so hard, but as outsiders listening in, we all seem to be saying the same thing to you - do you think you could be brave and surprise him and back down? If you love him, set him free, as the saying goes.
Whatever he says now, he's angry, and I'm not sure he is saying whats really in his heart. My BF was adamant it was over because IDLYA and that he DIDNT have depression. He even emailed me in December stating that I was wrong, he wasnt depressed and he wasnt going to snap out of it, it was just that he DLYA. He was in the angry stage then. It took 3 months for him to admit to me that he was depressed and that he'd known that he was all along and he was sorry...
I think your H has alot of growing to do. Thinking of you, Ali xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
. Listen to what he is really saying and try to understand his feelings on the matter.