random Dommage

[Dom R]

Maybe I'll actually start up a clean blogging/rant thread. I dont want to link to the old stuff, though.

Those who have a nice image of me, and want to keep it that way, probably shouldnt read this....




Right now, i'm .... having a personal challenge.
A challenge not to "do a 180" for myself, that isnt particularly a good one. I'm feeling a tickling in the back of my mind to go barhopping, to find some "company."
Which is a huge change for me, because I've always HATED bars. But I know it's the generally accepted place to "find some female company".
And I'm pretty sure i'm not in it for sex. I find myself trying to convince myself, I just want some close female conversation.
Or maybe a back rub.
Or maybe just someone to "sleep next to". without sex.

And it all sounds somewhat innocent, and "well sure there's nothing wrong with that"...
Except I know myself too well, to believe i would just stop there, if offered more.

Ugh.

I find myself wanting to try out a massage at a "massage parlour", for some positive touch. Since that might be "safer" than a bar.
Then again, is it?
AUuruugh....



hatethishatethishatethis
going nuts.


I have a T-shirt, with words on it that say, "Lead me not into temptation.. i can find it myself".

yeah, that's pretty much how it is

i've been out for quite a few nights in a row so far. "Not to a bar". So far. Just to get out and be around people. But it's not enough.

I stuck my head in one last night.
Two, actually.
I didnt like either of them. Had dinner somewhere else.
But if i liked the place, and they had decent food, I would have stayed.

i need my wife. i need her company.
but if I ask her, she'll say no, jsut like she always does. especially given the family trip coming up, and what she's been doing with her free time lately.

dont know if i can make it to the weekend, though. cant sleep well any more. was up until 2am, for 3 nights in a row.
Used to be, having our boys with me, would help me sleep at nights, at least 50% of the week.
Not any more.

going out with a group tonight. hope that will help.