custody hearing on friday -- so scared

[phbear316]

Maryangela

((hugs))

Good for you, see, we told you! you can do this.

Try the rubberband thing, never thought of it myself, I used the stop sign technique. But hey if it works it works.

Way to go with the letters, see, you feel better knowing this part is done.

Look professionals from social workers to judges to child advocates see the stuff you h is trying to pull on you everyday. Most likely even worse than what you are going thru. So "snap" that rubber band and just remain calm and cool like a cucumber, let it roll off you like a duck.

Stand back and look at what he is doing, some day you will see what a real as*()e he is being. And you know what at some point in the future you are going to just laugh when you think about it. For you will take the high road, and you will be the one on top. With your head head perfectly high.

Yes you miss your D, and that is ok, she will be back with you soon. You will miss her even when he has his time with her. When he is with her it then becomes you time to GAL, go out, keep busy and time will just fly by till you angel is in you arms again giving mommy a great big kiss.

Stop worrying about that darn journal and what you wrote. He is trying to use it against you and he cannot. Let it go. The past is the past it happened a long time ago. Gosh if my h took my journals that i wrote post 9/11 yes he would think I should have been committed too. It is still a very painful part of my life but i have learned to make peace with it. Only I could just like you did.

Your h is grabbing a anything he thinks he can use against you. BUT remember this HE HAS NOTHING. Just a big man trying to push you around. Guess what Maryangela is not going to pushed around anymore she is going to stand her ground.

Start saying that to yourself!


hugs
bear

[spark]

thank you gabbysmom and everybody. you guys have been amazing with your support.

I think I have done all I can for now (getting letters, etc). It's the "not knowing" that's killing me right now. and you're right. dbing for me is NOT about saving the marriage anymore. it's about saving ME and my daughter. I guess it's really time to grow up. I have to be strong for d. it's so painful, I just called h's place to say goodnight to d and she was busy playing (I could hear her in the background). I'm not blaming h, she genuinely didn't want to come to the phone as she was playing. I'm just so scared that she doesn't even miss me (she's always been VERY close to h) and that the court and the person interviewing her will see that. how can I compete to her unbelievable love for daddy?

but when we are alone, she sticks to me like glue. but no one sees that. how will anyone believe me?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Are you green, Mary?

(((((maryangela)))))

[spark]

dry-heat -- love you -- so funny!

[Virtually_Handsome]

When you start to feel down, remember that!

[spark]

I will dry-heat. just so scary, you know? one positive thing that has come out of all of this is that I DON'T want h back and I couldn't care less if he does or doesn't want me back. it's like a veil has been lifted from my eyes and I see that I was very unhappy with him for a LONG time. His inabiity to show me emotion or connect with me emotionally (above and beyond a guy thing). Lies that i know he's told me over the years, it's all coming together for me. he's never been there emotionally for me and now I understand what my therapist has been saying all along. I accepted "crumbs" from him. I thought as long as he paid the bills, was loving to d, responsible, he was a good husband. I pushed my own basic needs for a real partnership aside.

my therapist believes very stongly that this is what caused me my anxiety/depression last fall. not that he CAUSED it, but it amplified it. he was SO not there for me in any way; didn't want to talk about it. never wanted to understand what anxiety is about (I used to beg him to go to ONE session with my therapist so he could understand) and he always refused. didn't want to hear it.

I'm db'ing now for my own growth.

It's funny, the DAY he dropped initial bomb on me, I actually, in the morning (before he came home from work and dropped bomb) talked to our local Catholic preist for 2 hours!! I couldn't get in to see my therapist and I had to talk to someone. I was just so unhappy and felt so ALONE.

then of course, when he dropped bomb, I desperately wanted to "win" him back. that's what brought me to this site in the first place.

I don't need "crumbs". I need a real relatonship. I'm not asking for the most "sensitive, alan alda" type guy, but someone who isn't so shut down emotionally. he can't handle ANY kind of emotions/problems at all. well, emotions and problems are life and part of a real marriage. period.

I, when the dust clears, down the road, when I am healthier, will find a man who can at least talk about issues. I am seeing that thiswas a major need for me and he isn't capable of this. yuo can't change a person. al-anon/db 101.

I'm trying to find the good out of all this and it is definately making me grow up and take responsibility for myself. my own happiness.

as my dad said, I'm still young (is 39 young?), I look great (not bragging, but I look about 25, always been told this). I'm funny, smart, etc.

h was LUCKY to have me. one of his basic needs was that he needed space to be with his friends. I always gave him that. I was always secure and never made a fuss if he wanted to go out with friends. he has always said that he loved that about me.

I now just want d back. I guess all I can do is have faith, right?

[Virtually_Handsome]

Best post I've seen from you, maryangela!

I think you are going to be ok!

And, 39 is young, yes!

[LL44]

I agree. That post was perfect DB-for-maryangela.

I know you miss your D. I can't imagine. My heart goes out to you.

[inmyplace]

Be strong, maryangela. And when it comes to the business, let your lawyer be your guide.

good luck.

IMP

PS - bear is saying some good stuff.

[phbear316]

Maryangela

(hugs)

I told you, or should I say we told you. You will get thru this you will see clearer.

That was a wonderful post and yes you are DBing. For you.

You will get your D back and soon, just hang on a little bit more.

Concentrate on you, go get your nails done, go get a hair cut. Do something for you.

You just assume your d does not miss you, like I said before, you don't know for you are not there all the other times she is asking for Mommy. which don't let you H fool you for one second that she does not ask for you. Bul&s(*^.

She asks for you and I will bet what little money I have saved she cries for you. You just don't know it cause you believe what h is telling you. I know it breaks you heart you think your d does not miss you or ask or want to talk to you. she is just 5. I bet not long after you got off the phone, she asked for you. want to bet?!

It will be ok, just deep breaths, we are all here with you and will take every step with you.

Remember hold that head up high.


hugs
bear