Help me, I'm so hurt.

[AbbysDad]

Well she's here now....sort of hanging out with Abby. Of course, every 5 minutes she's texting someone, who knows. Besides the texting, its okay having her here, plus my dad came over to watch the game tonight. D is running around crazy....nothing effects her. I have a feeling that its going to hit me hard tonight although I feel okay now. Hmmm!

[Phoenixdeux]

You're doing pretty much all you can do. Funny how a mother can essentially abandon her child for some guy, although guys do the same. I'm pleased that you have your child so much. It's great. Sets the precendence that you are the custodial parent. Has she been paying you child support?

I think you should just go with the flow. You can't do anything about her bad decisions so just be the best father and person you can be. It's her loss if she doesn't choose to try again. It may be your loss if she decided to try again with you...who knows.

[AbbysDad]

Wow. What a moron I am? I've done so well not snooping until today. I check her email for some lame reason and there's an email from her with some "pics". I won't go into detail but they are from somewhere on his body.....unbelievable. She's changed so much.

I know you guys are going to say, why did you snoop? and how does this change things, since you already know about them. But this has more to do with how much she's changed. She'd never have wine with me at home....now she drinks at her house. She was never into "pics" and things like that....now look.

Why did I snoop? I feel so bad now.

[AbbysDad]

Oh and should I save the email and use it against her later (since we are still legally married)?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Thats' why you don't snoop.

You don't snoop, for the same reason you don't run a sharp razor over your fingers.

You KNOW the razor is going to cut you, you also KNOW that your spouse is doing something. Do you really need to know how deep the cut is going to be?

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Well here is what is going to happen if you save it.

You're going to look at it. Every now and then and the pain will be just as bad.

Funny thing...down the road if you start talking nice again, you're going to look at it, and then you're going to act all weird and strange, and she won't know why, unless you tell her, which is a whole nother can of worms.

Up to you dude.

Does proof of infidelity help you in your states legal system...and by the way some guy sending her pictures of his wee-wee I do not think is proof of it, unless she is communicating with him about the pics.

Remove your acess to her emails.

[AbbysDad]

yeah, i'm going to remove access but the only way is to have her change her password. That must be done from my computer because she has a subaccount under mine. Guess I'll have her change it when she comes over and drops off D today. I'll try to make it seems like I haven't snooped. Probably will be obvious anyway.

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Don't lie.
Just ask her to change the password.
If she asks you can be honest and say, "There is a temptation to look, if there isn't anything you wouldn't want me to see then don't change it."

[Neilh23]

Hey man...
i did the same thing, and found out about this other guy...but she didn't get any naughty pictures from him...man i feel for you.
i agree, you shouldn't save them. It's enough that you know..you don't need to see the details....it'll cut too deep each time you think of it.

I had to discipline myself NOT to snoop.... very difficult, however, the fact that I haven't in a long time, is, I feel, a great accomplishment for me.

now only if i could tell her that.... :-)

[AbbysDad]

Jack,

Maybe I should wait a day or two before I do that. She doesn't really use her email for personal stuff, mostly ebills, etc. So this would sort of be obvious a day after OM sent the pics. But I will use your quote when I do.

Neil,

Thanks. I've actually been pretty good of late too. Plus, W came by yesterday for a little bit, we talked, she seemed upset about issues at work and I even bought her a bottle of wine when she asked. I sort of felt bad for her.

Then for some idiotic reason I checked. I know my fault and I'm definitely not going to bring this up. But does show me that's he definitely in the picture and D and I aren't.