Karen, I think she does need to address her issues, but I worry sometimes that I've focused too much on that lately, so that she may feel accused at a time when she should have been noticing my changes. I don't know.
Just more mental regurgitation...
Have been thinking about what I've seen on threads all over these boards and re-analyzing my own sitch. I know - perfect way to drive yourself crazy and that's what I'm doing.
I guess I read these other things and have these waves of regret about not DBing properly. There were so many things I could have done differently. I could have been firmer when her A was revealed. I could have chosen a better MC. I could have made sure with absolute certainty that she knew exactly what I was willing to do to save our M not through words but actions. I could have been the greener grass.
But in DBing better, you can also lose sight of what you deserve, and I need to really think about what that means. For years now I've always stifled my own opinions in favor of hers. I grew tired of initiating intimacy and sex because she never would start things or tell me what she liked. I hated feeling that she asked others to respect her needs but wouldn't respect similar needs when others asked her - she has little empathy but is focused on herself.
We're best friends and communicate very well. But maybe the R is essentially dysfunctional and I need to fully understand that in order to not find another like it. Yet I see others who are in much more dysfunctional relationships and they find ways to make it work.
I guess it comes down to 1 thing alone - are there 2 people willing to be in the relationship, or only one?
