Pinch Me.........

[Bworl]

Ian,

For all intents and purposes, a single Dad here too.

Of course you may know that I will soon be married again, though we will not be living together for some time - because of promises made to my youngest son.

For the past 21 months I have parented my now 16 year old by myself. I think in that time he has spent a grand total of maybe 7 days with his Mom. All the cleaning, all the meals, all the laundry, all the schedules that have to be met.

And it does wear you out. And you do reach the point where you would like to have some me time.

I also know that I wouldn't trade my setup for what my ex has for anything in the world.

When Deb and I started communicating, it was difficult for me to take a couple hours from my evening and devote them completely to talking with her. I felt like I was taking away from my son.

We talked about it. Of course he's a little older, so when I got to the point of explaining to him that I had feelings for this person and that I needed some time to build that relationship with her, he pretty much gave me the "no problem" response.

You never stop worrying about the line between father and man. My sons come first right now, because I have to be sure that they know they have a parent who loves them and is always there for them. But Debra comes first too. She and I wrestle with this language all the time. For her and I to have the future we want to have, we need our time together as well.

When we were married it was not a problem. The relationship came before the kids. By the time the kids rolled around we could reasonably take on the mantle of parental responsibility and not feel as though we were sacrificing our love relationship in the process.

Now we're approaching this from a different direction.

But in the same way that we made kids work when they came into the marriage, it is possible to make a relationship work that is brought in to our family life.

And even if you're not talking about the relationship, but just about "me time", I still think it's possible for both. Feeding yourself is not neglecting or shirking your role as Dad. And you know as well as I do that feeling like you're ready for a break is not a bad thing. It's reality.

I have no fear that you would ever place your kids second in your life just to feed your desires. Perhaps what you're dealing with is the new reality of your new life.

New is just new, not necessarily bad.


Blessings,

Bill