Holding Pattern

[JWS]

I guess the honest answer is I feel like crap and am being hard on myself. When she left my attatude was poor me and this is all her and what is she thinking.

I knew I had an idea of my own problems and wanted to work on things but felt I could not until she spoke to me. In the self-pity mood I kept snooping witch was part of the very thing driving her away. I made good changes on my self and got the chance to show her and she recognized the changes. Then I blew it again even though I had not snooped in a few weeks it. I just know that she gave me a chance and I blew it.

I am blaming me right now and hope and pray for another chance. At the same time I am not turning from the changes I have made. I know they are good ones and I have more to do. I am doing these things for me and with time she may notice, I am just mad for blowing it this weekend. We did have some positive stuff though and I will try and focus on that. seeing her in a better light is also making me miss her alot again.

you are absolutly right about chaseing her away, every time i do it. I am making this my number one proity for now to stay away from her stuff. maybe accepting some blame for myself here will make me work harder at it.