Yes, I understand his POV, perfectly. But it's always about him, and never any acknowledgment of my POV, ever. So, I just clam up, what's the point?
See, I've been where he's at. I had a mountain to climb once before, and hated all men, and passed on my anguish I had from my past experiences with my stepfather, and my ex fiance. I understand where it comes from. Yes, I do. It took a lot of maturity on my part to figure it out. But, I don't believe that my H understands it.
There was a time when he used to 'stop and think' before he spoke. There was a time when he used to know that he was angry and why. But I think it's consumed him now. Now, his complaints are... It's my fault, I am to blame, I am a bad wife, I am a bad mother, I am a horrible person. etc. It's total defense, I understand it. Somewhere along the line, he feels insecure, worthless, and even maybe vulnerable. But at the same time, he pushes me away, and I leave him be.
It's very hard to listen to these things, when all you want to do is grab them and hug them. He won't let me get close to him either. He's very defensive about anything. I try very very very hard to not be accusative, so most of the time, I don't talk about things, unless he brings it up, but lately he's been bringing things up, then before I know it, he's yelling at me, at I feel blindsided. Things have just gotten way out of control, so I bolted before it got worse.
I know where I went wrong, I feel horribly guilty for that. I'm procrastinating about contacting him, because, I am anticipating it being another bitch session. And yes, you're right, I should just sit there and listen, but that just seems to promote his 'bad behavior', like condoning it. I know that he feels totally alone, but the problem is... he's not.
