Did I diappoint you

[MichelleLT]

Okay, very piecemeal. I don't remember who all said what.

He's not on active duty. He doesn't have an assigned chaplain. I don't know if the national guard will put a hold on court actions.

Yes, he's going back for the rush. Because nothing here made him feel that way. Unfortunately, I only see him coming out of this second deployment even more screwed up and immature. Maybe I'll be wrong, I hope I am, but I don't see it doing him any good.

I am trying to focus. Every time I think I am done crying though, something sets me off again.

This feels worse than the first time around. Worse than finding out about the A, worse than the first time he tried to bully me into signing the summary dissolution. It hurts more if that's even possible.

Oh, and I know that he has to pay his own costs and I have nothing to be embarrassed about. That's him projecting onto me. He is the one who doesn't talk about things in public, if you ask me something be prepared, because I'll answer it lol.

And also, his desperation is showing, because he is the one who is too broke to afford the fees, and he is the one who doesn't have time to go through court proceedings before he deploys.