I'm sorry this is so hard for you. You don't deserve this hand, but it is, nevertheless, the hand that you've been dealt.
I'd suggest you treat your wife like you would treat a business partner or a casual friend or co-worker. Be civil; courteous. Answer direct questions, but don't look for her to meet ANY of your emotional needs, and for god's sakes, don't meet hers.
"EXPECT nothing; GIVE nothing" is how it was taught to me, and that served me well.
For a closing, maybe you could go with "In every situation, no matter how difficult, I will strive to do the right thing. I was not put on this Earth to please my wife, or to please man, but to please God, and in every situation, I will look to do what HE would have me do, with courage and grace."
Hey Karen43 and Puppy, thank you for checking in on me, I'm being polite, civil and courteous to W. I'm keeping conversations with her short and to the point. She is a talker and always has been, I get straight to the point, then walk away, no additional small talk.
Tonight when I get home, I won't say anything to her, I'll answer her questions and get dressed and go about my busniss. Like today when she called to see if I needed anything, even if I did, I wouldn't ask her to get it, I'll take the kids to the store after I get off work if I need something.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Hot in Missouri, my air conditioner is out, I have repair man coming today, was hot in the house last night.
2 kids D9 and D6 with the stomach flu, so they were throwing up all night, every hour, it was like they were taking turns. D9 at 11pm, D6 at midnight, D9 at 1:00am, D6 at 2:00am etc. wow only got about 2 hours of straight sleep 4am to 6am.
Told W when she arrived for work this morning, that I did not want her to take D9 and D6 to their summer class today. That I wanted them to stay home and rest. Told her about D9 and D6 being sick all night, and again she started off talking about herself how she was sick Saturday and maybe that is what she had etc give it up already I don't care. I listened to her but didn't respond, after she was done talking about herself (me, me, me, me) I walked away and went about my business. She said have a good day as I left for work and I got sad thinking about how we were not so long ago.
I cannot stand the thought of her with another man,. I am trying to get that image out of my head, but seeing her every day brings it back, I truly cannot wait till summer is over and she is gone. Then it will be just me and my 4 babies and I can move on with my life.
FYI whatdidido is still missing
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Talking about my run of bad luck lately with my assistant at work, we had a good laugh.
Garage door opener went out Roofing shingles went out (lost some in a storm 2 weeks ago) Modem on computer went out. Clothes dryer went out Front brakes on the truck went out Air conditioner went out (2 nights ago) Wife went out (beginning of June) All furniture in house went out with W Kids sick D9 and D6 S5 just got done being sick
I'm not going to worry about stuff, I'm not going to worry about what my W does or doesn't do. I did get knocked down and it hurt really bad, I still hurt. I'll get over it and keep moving forward with my life and with my kids.
There is so much I want to do in my life, I need to keep moving forward. I need to contol my emotions, its getting easier everyday. Thank you all for your help, I am so lucky to have found you, I am so lucky for my kids, I have so much to be thankful for.
I don't know if I can ever forgive my W for what she has done, I believe that there is only a 10% chance W will want to reconcile and a 90% chance we will end up D. Reconciliation would require to much effort from W and would also require me to be able to forgive her.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Talking about my run of bad luck lately with my assistant at work, we had a good laugh.
Garage door opener went out Roofing shingles went out (lost some in a storm 2 weeks ago) Modem on computer went out. Clothes dryer went out Front brakes on the truck went out Air conditioner went out (2 nights ago) Wife went out (beginning of June) All furniture in house went out with W Kids sick D9 and D6 S5 just got done being sick
Jeff, one thing this experience has made me I think is really grateful and thankful for what I do have in life. For a long time, I just focused on what I didn't have rather than what I do have. It's a bummer you've had all those problems, but you could just look at it like look at all the stuff I have: a house, computer, truck, kids, etc. and not that sometimes you will have problems with them. (I live in a 100 year old house so something is always broken!) I find myself nowadays appreciating my kids so much more, our health, just taking a shower everyday, which is silly probably. I would definitely hope I would appreciate my marriage and H as well if I am ever in a real marriage again! I guess that is one good thing that came out of this at least...Karen
Talking about my run of bad luck lately with my assistant at work, we had a good laugh. / I'm not going to worry about stuff
Karen43, I'm not letting this stuff get me down, I do appreciate everything I have. Only thing I'm not looking forward to is the Big D, having to file, because I'll have to file to move on with my life.
Quote:
Karen43: I would appreciate my marriage and H as well if I am ever in a real marriage again!
wouldn't that be nice, being in a real R where both parties appreciate each other and help each other I dream of this too.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.I don't know if I can ever forgive my W for what she has done.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Oh it does seem SOOOO long ago that my life was normal. I guess October was the last time I felt "normal" because I started being suspicious that something was up in November but didn't figure it out until December. It has been a long road for us all, I know.
Jeff...keep hanging in there. I hope you got that AC fixed. It has been REALLY hot.
Sara
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.I don't know if I can ever forgive my W for what she has done.
never posted to you before, but you are one amazing father, taking care of your 4 little ones, my hat's off to you.
What she's done has no name and she doesnt' deserve your forgiveness, but you do, forgiveness is a release of your soul. I thought I had forgiven my stbx but I guess I didnt' really because I still get angry now and then about what he's done to our beautiful family, my C told me that forgiveness isn't instant, that once you decide you are ready to forgive it is the beginning of a process, it takes time. Because of all the crap you've gone through recently your heart/soul doesnt' feel ready to forgive (can't blame you), but when the time comes you will be able to, for it seems you are a good man by the way you've conducted yourself through this terrible ordeal.
Again, I admire what a great person/father you are, and regardless what happens I know you will do great.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
wow Cat03 thanks for your comments, please feel free to stop by anytime, especially if your going to make me blush
Good morning ladies, the normal life, for me it was prior to Sept 2007, W starting withdrawing from me, took me several months to figure out what was going on.
Whats normal, to me its having someone there for me, to talk to, to hold, to love. Someone I can do things with, someone I can do things for, someone I can dream with, Someone who enjoys being with me. I'm not looking forward to searching again for someone, the dating scene was never my cup of tea.
I don't know if I can ever forgive my W for what she has done, I believe that there is only a 10% chance W will want to reconcile and a 90% chance we will end up D. Reconciliation would require too much effort from W and would also require me to be able to forgive her.
I don't know if I can ever forgive her, I always ent the extra mile for her. Example: when she worked late, I kept the kids away from her and let her sleep, when she woke up she had breakfast in bed. When she wanted to do something I supported her decisions and helped out as much as I could. When she was stressed out I took care of everything and let her have some free time to herself. When she wanted to go somewhere I always said great have fun, enjoy yourself. I was always trying to be romantic, planned time together away from the kids and even when we couldn't get away from the kids, I would try to set up something special just for us, candle light dinner, outside in the back yard. We went to sports games, dinner, dancing (I' not a good dancer but I tried), concerts, etc. as a family and as a couple without the kids.
I tried everything I could, everytime, she had a problem/complaint I fixed it, guess what, she found something else that bothered her or to complain about.
At this point, I feel like I would be better off without my W. It's going to be hard to wait a year. At what point can I start dating again, do I have to wait for the D to be final. I'm Catholic so I need an annulment, otherwise in God' eyes I' still married and would be committing adultery. I keep thinking of the bible story of Hosea and I also read in the bible
Matthew 19: 8-9 Jesus replied, Moses permitted divorce only as a concession to your hard hearts, but it was not what God had originally intended. And I tell you this, whoever divorces his wife and marries someone else commits adultery-unless his wife has been unfaithful.
Deuteronomy 24: 1-4 Suppose a man marries a woman but she does not please him. Having discovered something wrong with her, he writes her a letter of divorce, hands it to her, and sends her away from his house. When she leaves his house, she is free to marry another man. But if the second husband also turns against her and divorces her, or if he dies, the first husband may not marry her again, for she has been defiled. That would be detestable to the LORD.
I feel like my W has been defiled, I'm disgusted by the thought of her and OM. It's sick, It makes me sick to think of them together.
I feel a theological debate with my Pastor coming on
Journaling
Other D6 complained of being sick last night, crawled into bed with me at midnight, boy she was restless, kicking and rolling around all night.
W arrived for work this morning and went straight to the couch, she is sick also
Stay away from South St Louis, Stomach Flu going around
W calling, I have her on the phone right now, she is repainting the wicker furniture on the front porch, I guess she is feeling better but why bother, she doesn't live there anymore ???
There is so much I want to do in my life, I need to keep moving forward. I need to control my emotions, its getting easier everyday. Thank you all for your help, I am so lucky to have found you, I am so lucky for my kids, I have so much to be thankful for.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
give it up already I don't care. I listened to her but didn't respond, after she was done talking about herself (me, me, me, me) I walked away and went about my business. She said have a good day as I left for work and I got sad 
thinking about how we were not so long ago. 
