Jeff, thanks for the shoutout. I know how you feel. This type of separation "sickness" that you describe in your smiley faces isn't a short term problem. It's more like a chronic illness that I guess you get used to over time. But for me its been 6 months and I am honestly really still hurting. I know exactly the emotions you are going through. I haven't had a peaceful night of sleep in over 8 months now. I know I can't go on feeling like this forever. I just hope it gets better.
But at the same time, there is some peace for me in doing the right thing. I know I made mistakes in my marriage. You said you did too. But we didnt cheat. And we aren't blaming our failing on others. We also aren't the ones out there living counter to our marriage. We are standers...It is tough but we are at least trying to do the right thing. We are fighting the good fight. I just hope that in our case it pays off. Jeff, I like you don't really know if ever having my wife back is the right thing. I really miss the love and affection. But i don't miss it from just anyone, I miss it from her. Yet at the same time, I don't miss the monster she became. I miss the women who was a woman of Christ. My hope comes from knowing that deep inside of her is still that light of His flickering.
Anyways, I'm rambling...but I stand with you Jeff. Keep going.
Having some issues with W about when she will show up at the house in the morning, assured me she will be on time from now on. I hate calling her to find out where she is at. I don't want to rely on her for anything and I hate waiting for her.
She said she won't be late anymore, I said sure you will in a sarcastic tone. I didn't like how we parted today, so I made an excuse about forgetting something, and went back inside, I stopped in the kitchen and asked her if she watched the hockey game last night (small talk) she said I looked good in the suit and tie I picked out today, so I felt better about how we left each other this morning.
I'm getting calls from W telling what she wants to do during the day (why do I care as long as the kids are home when I get there)
She wants to show me what she did at the house when I get home, and all I want to do is get away from her as quick as possible,
Last night trying to gather up 4 kids going in 4 different directions, while W trying to tell me what she did during the day (besides pack some more stuff to take to her apartment).
Know what she wanted to show me, if you open up the spice drawer, she wrote the letter of each spice on top of the container, so if you are looking for pepper, you would look at the bottles with a "P" on top of them - wow - she was take aback by my lack of interest, I did say thats going to be very helpful as I gathered up S5 and was heading out the front door.
S5 had a bad tummy ache last night, he was crying, at dinner, and I was up and down with him all night, found out W let him have a box of cookies and he ate the whole thing. W said today she cannot keep a constant eye on him (which is true I know) but you should know where the kids are at and some idea of what they are doing.
I don't want to rely on W for anything and I don't want her around - as I have always said, I'm not the typical DB'er, I know W is in fantasy land and will be all summer. Fantasy land end when kids go back to school, and she has to get a fulltime job. Then I will get my wish, I won't have to see her everyday, her and OM can go on with their lives and can go to HELL together. - calling it as I see it
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
Am I now required to move and post in "Walk-Away Spouse" section
W was upset with me that I did not let her know S5 was sick, I kept thinking to myself, what could she do.
She will be briefed when she arrives each morning to watch the kids. She will be told only the necessities: schedules, who was sick, etc. nothing more. I don't like having to rely on her for anything, I hate waiting for her and I hate the last minute guess what I'm doing stuff. venting venting, venting.
Talking to neighbor yesterday and she said if I didn't have bad luck I wouldn't have any luck at all, garage door opener went out in the storm last week, so did my modem for the computer. Some shingles came off roof several weeks back, just got those replaced, clothes dryer went out 2 days ago, S5 was sick for the last 2 days (he is better now) phone doesn't work, you can call in but cannot make calls out (I have to call AT&T to have them fix that) just had to replace the brakes on my truck, and W walked out on me on 05/31.
Well "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" I hear whistling in my head. I'm in a good mood its Friday, someday I'll find love again, going to have to be a very special lady to hook up with me and my 4 kids, 2 dogs and O'Malley the cat
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
You are free to post wherever you like. Each forum has both newcomers and experienced folks, with different areas of experience and expertise.
I personally still think that adultery/infidelity plays an obviously major role in your wife's behavior, and I'd strongly encourage you to still post here.
I really miss you being on here everyday but maybe this modem issue, keeping you foo the boards is a bit of a good break. It can get overwhelming sometimes trying to help so many hurt people. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. Let me know how I can help you.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I know it is sad that Jeff isn't here as much as he used to be. However, I hope he is taking this opportunity to GAL and spend some great time with his kids. We are thinking about you Jeff!
Me-31 H-38 M: 5 yrs T: 7 yrs No kids Went to Prostitutes 10-1-06 Found out about OW 12-24-07 Bomb on EA/PA: 1-2-08 OW ended it with H "for good" 3-8-08 OW is back 4-19-08 H and OW tell me that they are in love 5-19-08 Filed for divorce 6-5-08 Divorced 7-2-08
Starshyne/kat727 thanks for checking in on me, I am still here. Yes I'm still having trouble with my modem and I expect to finally fix the issue this week.
I'll check in on everyone shortly, and try to post more than I have lately. You know I'm probably not the best BD person out here, since I want my W to leave. It really makes me sick thinking of some OM touching her. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that out of my head, so even if she wanted to reconcile, I don't think I could.
I don't know how to act around her anymore. W took kids to pool Saturday and they were up there all day. W dropped kids off at 3:00 and she left to get ready for work. S5 seemed tied which was appropriate for a kid playing outside all day in the sun. Sunday morning S5 was still lethargic, then he got sick (threw-up), I started thinking and the kids told me W gave S5 apple juice at the pool, no water, etc. I immediately suspected heat stroke/ Dehydration. I asked my neighbor (crazy old lady) and she confirmed I was probably right. So I took care of S5 all day Sunday pushing fluids Gatorade G2 (low-calorie electrolyte drink). He is better now. Told W to push fluids when she takes them to the pool, told her I suspected S5 had Heat Stroke/Dehydration, her only comment was that she was sick too and that is probably what she had also. (Hey Sh-t for brains, you need to take care of kids who don't know any better )
She has been calling me already this morning, 2 calls, wondering if I need anything while she is out running around, (I kept repeating I didn't need anything) called to see if computers at home were working so she could pay a bill online. Funny when I told her they were still down, she said that was ok because she didn't have the bill yet.
How do I act around her, I don't want to be friends with her. I'm disgusted by her actions. It makes me sick to think of her and OM together. I use to be attracted to her now I find myself, instead of looking at her attractive features, focusing on her not so attractive features, I cannot wait till summer is over, so I don't have to see her everyday.
I still wear my wedding ring to remind me that I'm still married in God's eyes. There is a small part of me that still wants to be married to my W, but that part of me feels too much pain. The pain will slowly fade away along with any feelings I once had for my W.
I want to move on with my life and I feel like I have a big anchor holding me back (I'm not referring to the kids)
FYI: whatdidido is missing
I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life.This has to be revised, I'm not loving to W and I don't know if I'll ever forgive her.
We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.
M45 W41 M10 3/4 years D9, D6, D6, S5 OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
How do I act around her, I don't want to be friends with her. I'm disgusted by her actions. It makes me sick to think of her and OM together. I use to be attracted to her now I find myself, instead of looking at her attractive features, focusing on her not so attractive features, I cannot wait till summer is over, so I don't have to see her everyday.
If you don't want to be friends with her, maybe you shouldn't be then? I know someone else (?) recently posted real friends don't act like our WAS do. I can't stop myself from being friendly with everyone including my H, so I am trying not to beat myself up over that, and just limit time spent with H. If you can't be friendly or don't want to be, then I think you have to go with that. But, I do think you should be civil and polite though, if nothing else for the kids' sake--which I know you will! Karen
its Friday, someday I'll find love again, going to have to be a very special lady to hook up with me and my 4 kids, 2 dogs and O'Malley the cat 
)