Starshyne/kat727 thanks for checking in on me, I am still here. Yes I'm still having trouble with my modem and I expect to finally fix the issue this week.

I'll check in on everyone shortly, and try to post more than I have lately. You know I'm probably not the best BD person out here, since I want my W to leave. It really makes me sick thinking of some OM touching her. I don't think I'll ever be able to get that out of my head, so even if she wanted to reconcile, I don't think I could.

I don't know how to act around her anymore. W took kids to pool Saturday and they were up there all day. W dropped kids off at 3:00 and she left to get ready for work. S5 seemed tied which was appropriate for a kid playing outside all day in the sun. Sunday morning S5 was still lethargic, then he got sick (threw-up), I started thinking and the kids told me W gave S5 apple juice at the pool, no water, etc. I immediately suspected heat stroke/ Dehydration. I asked my neighbor (crazy old lady) and she confirmed I was probably right. So I took care of S5 all day Sunday pushing fluids Gatorade G2 (low-calorie electrolyte drink). He is better now. Told W to push fluids when she takes them to the pool, told her I suspected S5 had Heat Stroke/Dehydration, her only comment was that she was sick too and that is probably what she had also. (Hey Sh-t for brains, you need to take care of kids who don't know any better )

She has been calling me already this morning, 2 calls, wondering if I need anything while she is out running around, (I kept repeating I didn't need anything) called to see if computers at home were working so she could pay a bill online. Funny when I told her they were still down, she said that was ok because she didn't have the bill yet.

How do I act around her, I don't want to be friends with her. I'm disgusted by her actions. It makes me sick to think of her and OM together. I use to be attracted to her now I find myself, instead of looking at her attractive features, focusing on her not so attractive features, I cannot wait till summer is over, so I don't have to see her everyday.

I still wear my wedding ring to remind me that I'm still married in God's eyes. There is a small part of me that still wants to be married to my W, but that part of me feels too much pain. The pain will slowly fade away along with any feelings I once had for my W.

I want to move on with my life and I feel like I have a big anchor holding me back (I'm not referring to the kids)

FYI: whatdidido is missing

I'm going to be happy, helpful, forgiving, patient and loving. Not just to W and kids, but to everyone I know and meet. This is me, this is how I want to live my life, this may not be the best course of action to save a marriage, but its the best way to live my life. This has to be revised, I'm not loving to W and I don't know if I'll ever forgive her.

We all have a long haul ahead of us good or bad it's the path we choose thats important.

M45
W41
M10 3/4 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08