I always knew that she was looking. To me it was fantasizing. Wanting to, but never did.
It was just hard to hear it finally.
Better I left. I am not the type to leave like that. Just had to sort my thoughts.
I always felt like the way you handled your sitch seemed like the best way. Even though you had no kids. I think it is the best way. The way you just described. That is the way I HAVE been to her.
She is just really stubborn. And maybe she just feels like she IS in love with someone else. I ask myself that.
Maybe she just IS. I have to let it play itself out, like you said.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
And I just posted this on my thread, but I find a TON of good stuff in grasshopper's threads - here's the link on my site and be sure to notice the following link. I've found all this really helpful to read:
She IS stubborn, but she didn't make this decision overnight and you need to reach deep within yourself to understand that. She's asking you to understand that. The challenge is to SHOW her someone that makes her want to tear down her preconceptions.
My heart goes out to you bud. Be strong for you and your kids. I agree with AT - your kids belong in their family home - with you. Hopefully some sanity will kick in.
Be strong.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
I'll have more for you later, H4H, but that's all that's in my heart right now, just DAMN HER.
Your post made me cry for the first time in EVERYTHING I read on these boards, every day. My daughters are 21 and 19 now, but all I could think about was them at that age, and . . .
. . . and DAMN her.
Prayers to you, my friend, that God will give you strength, wisdom and discernment in the days, weeks and months ahead.
I know what I want to do. It is just the doing it or figuring how to get it accomplished.
WW and S got home last night. D's were still up. She bought a lot more stuff for D's to do this week. Painting, puzzles. New Airsoft rifle for S and a few more things. Not sure where the funds are coming from.
I tell kids goodnight. Seems like D6 asked her to sleep with her. She took D11's bed. Later, D11 sneeks in bed with me. She hasn't been in our bed since Friday.
This morning, I get up a little early. After shaving, I come out and WW is already up and looking for something to wear. I walk to kitchen to get coffee started and set up the ironing board. She comes with her clothes and tells me good morning. I tell her good morning. I am still being quiet to her. Not in an ugly way. Just staying to myself.
We go about our morning and we finish getting ready. I make my lunch and after making my coffee, go and sit on sofa like we used to. She makes her coffee and comes and sits with me. Small talk. A little chit chat. I am just kind of out of it. Trying to figure out what to talk about. Not the time to start a heavy discussion. She gets up and prepares to leave. She is waving good bye to me. I look at her. She says to have a good day. I pause and tell her the same. She goes to kiss kids goodbye. I stay on sofa. She gathers her things.
I look at her and tell her that we need to talk about things. She looks at me and says she has been waiting. I tell her maybe tonight after they get back from health club. If she is not to tired. She says ok.
She says be safe. I tell her the same.
I know I did not sound very confident. Trying to be strong. My voice was a little cracked. I need to be purposely stronger. At least showing to her. Tell her what I want.
Just not sure how to word what I want. I have been wanting to let her know that I understand her. Send her a copy smartcookie's post. I copied it some time last week. Opened my eyes a bit.
Again, suggestions on how I should come across at this point.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
I want to keep my kids at home. I would like my WW to leave and figure things out on her own.
But...
I don't want to put the kids in the middle of a tug of war, also.
Do I have a talk with my D11 and ask her what SHE wants?
At the very least, I believe that I can settle for 50/50 time.
Not able to get attorney because I can't afford it at this time.
That is why I want to talk to WW tonight.
Every time that we have discussed the kids before, we just go back and forth on them and then it gets escalated and out of hand. Divorce gets thrown out. Tempers flare. This was when she was just threatening.
WW-I want to seperate. You move out. Me-I say I am not leaving. WW-Ok, since your not leaving, I am leaving with the girls. Me-Your not taking the girls. WW-I am not leaving with out the girls. Me-Your not taking
She ain't just threatening no more.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
No, she's not, so now it's time to take it seriously. There's no way in hell she should take the kids with her, as SHE is the one who has left the marriage.
And absolutely not, your daughter is too young to decide for herself and it's not fair to put her in that position (I think 14+ can decide for themselves).
I think you need to seek some free legal advice, ASAP, or figure out if there's a family member or someone from which you can borrow a retainer for a GOOD, "men's rights" family law attorney.
At a MINIMUM, you should continue to make your position clear to her of "you're not removing our daughters from their home. If YOU want to leave, that's your decision, but they are staying here." Say it calmly, but firmly, and NOT in front of the kids. If she challenges you on it, say "OK, I was hoping you'd be reasonable. I guess not," and say nothing more. Let her believe you're seeking legal recourse. If she says something like "I know you can't afford an attorney," just say "You continue to underestimate me, and that's a mistake."
Also, send her something registered mail, return receipt, informing her IN WRITING that you do NOT consent to have your children removed from the home.
